Break Away
by JolinarJackson
Summary: Ianto's life had been normal – or as normal as life could get for a Torchwood archivist. But then, everything changed when a stranger started following him around that only he could see; when his sleep was invaded by weird dreams; when he had to question his own sanity. In a nutshell: When he'd met Jack Harkness.
1. Chapter 1

**Break Away**

_Word Count: _~ 34.000

_Summary: _Ianto's life had been normal – or as normal as life could get for a Torchwood archivist. But then, everything changed when a stranger started following him around that only he could see; when his sleep was invaded by weird dreams; when he had to question his own sanity. In a nutshell: Before he'd met Jack Harkness.

_Characters: _Ianto Jones, Gwen Cooper, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato, Jack Harkness, OCs and ?

_Pairing: _Ianto/OMC, Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys (hinted), Owen/Tosh (hinted)

_Rating: _R

_Spoiler: Everything Changes, Cyberwoman, Countrycide, Greeks Bearing Gifts, End Of Days, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Sleeper, Adam, Reset, Dead Man Walking, Fragments_

_Setting: _after _Something Borrowed_

_Warnings: _Suicide, scenes that could be interpreted as dub-con, violence, language

_Contains: _AU, sexual situations

_Author's Note: _This was a piece of work. And if I hadn't forced myself to write it by taking part in the tw_classic_bb, I would probably still work on it.

_Beta: _My amazing beta for this one was larsinger29, who worked her way through every page and gave helpful hints and suggestions that made the story what it is right now. Thank you. :)

_Disclaimer: _I'm not making money with this fanfic. The tv-show _Torchwood _and the characters appearing within it belong to their producers and creators. Any similarities to living or dead persons are purely coincidental and not intended.

xxx

**Prologue**

Life had the habit of pulling you down sometimes. Even at the happiest of times, all of a sudden, a weight could settle on your shoulders that makes you doubt your choices. Ianto Jones knew that feeling all too well (being one of the only survivors of Canary Wharf and being granted mercy by his colleagues after hiding a Cyberwoman in their basement that had almost killed them all). Achieving happiness was hard for him, it always had been.

He preferred to live through the happiness of others instead – mainly his team: Owen and Tosh making tentative steps towards exploring a romantic relationship, even though Owen was technically dead, was one of those happy circumstances; another was Gwen's wedding and the blinding smile she wore after returning from her honeymoon; and then there was the way their boss Finlay Birch beamed at them, proud and happy with their work.

All that had been barely a week ago. Ianto's life had been normal – or as normal as life could get for a Torchwood archivist. But then, everything changed when a stranger started following him around that only he could see; when his sleep was invaded by weird dreams; when he had to question his own sanity.

In a nutshell: Before he'd met Jack Harkness.


	2. Chapter 2

**1.**

"Morning!" Gwen called out when she entered the Hub, her cheerful greeting echoing around the cavernous room, bouncing off tiled walls and joining the soft echo of the water trickling down the sculpture that rose towards the high ceiling from the middle of the room. Ianto looked up from the coffee machine and threw her a quick smile, not really caring when she barely acknowledged it.

She joined Tosh and Owen who were crowded around Owen's desk helping each other out with their reports. They looked up when Gwen approached them and Owen flashed a lewd grin. "Somebody got laid last night," he said.

Gwen leaned against his desk. She took the mug of coffee Ianto handed her and rewarded him with a longer, more sincere smile. "No, I'm just happy to be back at work."

Ianto turned away and busied himself with cleaning up the clutter from the coffee table behind the work area, sorting through empty packs of crisps and bakery paperbags.

"So you didn't get laid? Married life already sucks, doesn't it?" Owen asked.

"We went to see Rhys's parents over the weekend, remember? I'm just glad I survived."

Tosh giggled knowingly and tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear. "Weird questions about the wedding?"

"They forgot half of it. Of course they had questions," Gwen answered. By coincidence, Ianto turned in her direction to toss the litter into the trashbag and she managed to catch his eye. "You did a great job, though, with the pictures I mean. They look authentic."

Ianto found himself unexpectedly in the centre of attention. Partly, he was proud of what he'd done to save the memories of Gwen's wedding. Erasing an alien chasing the bride from every digital camera and from the guests' memories hadn't been an easy clean-up job and he'd needed hours and a lot of alien technology to handle it. But he'd managed and well at that. It was nice to get the recognition, as uncomfortable as the sudden attention was. He inclined his head. "Glad I could help." It had been a nice change from his routine and more mundane jobs. General Support Officers didn't have much else to do but clean up, maintenance and type reports.

Gwen turned back to Tosh and Owen to talk about her weekend and Ianto sighed. When his eyes roamed the Hub, looking for more litter to pick up, he caught Finlay's eyes. He was leaning against the doorjamb to his office, the muscular arms crossed over his chest and his brown locks brushing his forehead. His grey eyes were piercing, staring at Ianto searchingly. Ianto turned away. He knew that Finlay wished for him to become more socially involved with the team, to be more of a part of it, but it was hard. Ianto just never felt like the incident with the Cyberwoman had been forgotten and the team was too tentative in trying to reach out. So he stayed away from them, doing his job and doing it well, helping them with whatever needed doing. A week ago, Finlay had suggested he should join the team on a mission, get a bit of field experience in and Ianto had agreed, feeling pushed into a corner.

He turned away from Finlay and fled to the kitchen niche, throwing out the trashbag. He felt almost foolish for agreeing by now. An archivist without any field experience sent out to chase aliens down? The job was dangerous, they had to trust each other implicitly and really … who would trust him after what had happened with the Cyberwoman ... with Lisa?

Owen had said it well enough when Finlay had suggested Ianto join them for a field mission in the Brecon Beacons just over a year ago. _"May I remind you that he was the one to hide his girlfriend turned monster in the basement? She almost killed us all, hell, almost started to convert the entire planet and erase humans from history … why should I trust that he has my back? 'Cause I don't believe he didn't know."_

Laughter pulled Ianto from his thoughts and he quickly started to wipe down the coffee machine, trying to distract himself.

Gwen grinned. "That whole baby discussion Rhys had going before the wedding, by the way? A Nostrovite baby almost exploding out of my stomach convinced him to wait for a bit."

"Glad to her that," Finlay said, making the others notice him. "I wouldn't want to miss you at the moment. With the Rift being more unpredictable than ever before." He joined them at the workstations. "Speaking of which: we've got indications of an alien object in the hands of the National Museum. Strange lights in their archives last night, one man missing. Gwen, how about you and Tosh go and check it out."

Gwen nodded and put her mug on Owen's desk while Tosh collected her coat and handbag.

Finlay looked at Owen. "Anything on that Hoix we found in the bay?"

"No, nothing special. Looks like he died of old age."

Gwen and Tosh left the Hub with waves and goodbyes that went ignored.

"Okay, freeze him," Finlay said.

"Already done. Just typing up the report."

Finlay nodded approvingly. "Ianto," he said, turning to him. "I want you in the shooting range at three o'clock. Your quarterly training is due."

"Yes, sir."

xxx

"Wow!" Finlay said appreciatively and looked at the paper target. "This is great, Ianto." He pushed the protective goggles up into his hair and smiled brightly at Ianto who was busy checking the gun. Ianto only gave him a glance, missing Finlay frown slightly at being ignored. But he let it go, instead continuing, "But it always is." He turned to look at Owen who was standing behind them, waiting for his turn. "Did you see that? He's better than you."

Finlay's voice echoed in the former underground tunnel they used as a shooting range. The bright lights had chased the shadows towards the back of the room where the targets the furthest away were daring them to come closer.

Owen snorted and stepped up next to Ianto, jamming ammunition into his Beretta. "Why don't you get it over with and shag him, Finlay?"

Ianto rolled his eyes. Finlay laughed and his hand landed on Ianto's shoulder, squeezing. "Not interested, sorry." He looked at Owen. "Just girls for me." He looked back at Ianto who was putting the gun on the table. "I think we're done here. You should really think about joining the team in the field. I'd hate to have your excellent aim go to waste."

"Alright," Ianto answered, not intending to.

Owen snagged Ianto's goggles and put them on. "Let's get this over with, I want to go home."

Finlay rolled his eyes. "Last time I checked, I was the boss. You go home when I tell you to."

"You sent the girls home."

"Because they brought back a sonic gun from a museum and saved hundreds of lives when it went off by accident. I thought they deserved some rest." He turned to Ianto. "I'd like some coffee when I'm done here and we have to talk about the budget."

"Alright." Ianto turned to go but paused, remembering a request that was becoming pressing as each day passed. "Finlay, I checked our archives and I think that re-organizing them will mean we'll have to make more space for them. We've got all that stuff from Torchwood One and-"

"No need to explain," Finlay interrupted him. "You've been at it for over a year, if you say you need more space then you need more space." He frowned thoughtfully. "What about Sub-Level 7? We don't use it. It's got a lot of room."

Ianto felt his chest tighten and sweat break out on his forehead. "Sub-Level 7?" he repeated. Unbidden, images of Lisa hidden away in the tiny room on that level came to mind, memories of how she escaped, how she turned out to be completely taken over by the Cyberwoman possessing her, how she'd tried to kill them … how she'd died ...

Finlay's lips narrowed and his grey eyes darkened in regret. "Shit! I'm sorry, Ianto, I didn't think. If it's a problem for you-"

"No, not a problem," Ianto interrupted quickly, trying to ban images of Lisa, blood and death. "Sub-Level 7," he repeated. "I'll look into it." He left the room, feeling slightly light-headed. He hadn't anticipated it still being so visceral. The memories still going so deep. He swallowed and leaned against the concrete wall just outside the shooting range, trying to get his breathing under control.

He heard Owen say, "Nice going."

"Focus on your practice," Finlay snapped.

xxx

Ianto hadn't been down here since that night. The night that had changed his life forever. One would think that the Battle of Canary Wharf had been the turning point in his life but to Ianto, it felt like everything that had happened in the three months from the battle to Lisa being discovered by the Torchwood Three team had been one long stretch of terror, fear and guilt – muddled together and entwined.

He shuddered when he looked around Sub-Level 7, taking in the abandoned rooms and moist walls. The steady glow of the dim lights was reflected in the little puddles gathering in some corners of the Victorian corridors, the brickstone at odds with the modern, well-kept steel door leading out to the corridor connecting it with the Hub.

He stopped in front of the sturdy wooden door of the room he'd hidden Lisa in, unable to look inside, unable to go on, just remembering.

"_It's pure luck we survived today!" Owen yelled, approaching Ianto angrily. Ianto shrank back against the wall, huddling in the corner of the cell, feeling Gwen and Tosh' watching him through the CCTV. Finlay stood at the door of the cell, his gun levelled at Ianto. He looked conflicted, though, and sad and … disappointed. Owen grabbed Ianto's hand. "Bloody idiot!" he snapped, pressing two fingers against his pulse point almost violently, his fingernails digging into Ianto's skin. He hated to have to take care of him right now, of course. Ianto could understand. Owen glared at him. "You want to kill yourself? Fine. But don't drag us down with you by letting your monster girlfriend on the loose."_

"_Owen, that's enough!" Finlay snapped. "Just check if he's hurt, would you?" He grimaced and a sound of pain escaped him, the gun wavering._

"_That thing electrocuted you, damn nearly gave you a heart attack and you're saying it's enough?" Owen asked. _

"_Yes, __**she**__ did, not him. She was his girlfriend, Owen, he made the mistake of thinking he could heal her. She's dead now. She can't harm anyone anymore. Ianto did what he did out of love so shut the fuck up!"_

"_Retcon him," Owen said, his stare hard. Ianto avoided his eyes, staring at the floor._

"_I haven't decided what to do yet," Finlay said, "but erasing his memories doesn't seem the right way." He stepped closer. "Is he alright?"_

"_Banged up but good to go. It's a shame he came out of this that good."_

"_Leave," Finlay said. _

_Owen pulled a face, but he obeyed. Ianto heard the echo of his steps fade away. Finlay's boots appeared in his line of vision and unconsciously, he pulled his shoulders up protectively. _

_It was quiet for a long moment, then Finlay said, "I'm sorry." Ianto looked up at him, surprised. Finlay tucked his gun into the waistband of his jeans. "Sorry that things went like they did but damn it, Ianto, what were you thinking?"_

"_That I couldn't let her die," Ianto answered hoarsely. "Because the alternative to healing her was killing her." He sobbed. "I loved her."_

_Finlay put his hand on Ianto's shoulder and crouched down. "I know." He sighed. "I feel like an idiot, not seeing anything coming. I should have known something was going on."_

_Ianto looked at him hesitantly. "You weren't supposed to."_

"_I'm your boss." He swallowed, then looked at him sadly. "And I know what it means to lose everyone you love. To be scared. To be willing to do everything to get them back. To have a secret so big it's crushing you. I should have recognized the signs."_

_Ianto stared at him questioningly. "You lost everyone you love?" He didn't know Finlay that well yet. Nobody on the team seemed to. He was an enigma wrapped in a riddle, always friendly but never open about his past._

_Finlay rubbed his eyes."How do you think I ended up here?" He stared at Ianto earnestly and Ianto didn't dare look away. "All of us are broken, Ianto. Except Gwen and maybe she'll set an example for us one day." He massaged his shoulder for a moment. "You promise me that you won't keep secrets anymore – at least not in your professional life –, that you're loyal to me and the team and that, from now on, you will do as I say ... then I'm willing to give you another chance. Clean slate."_

_Ianto stared at him in disbelief. "You would trust me again, just like that?"_

"_I'm a Torchwood leader. It's our profession to have secrets that are horrible and that go against everything we believe in but we keep them … because we have to." There was so much pain in his eyes. "I can forgive you because if I don't, I can't forgive myself." He got up. "Four weeks of suspension and then, you're restricted to work in the Hub except when it's absolutely necessary to take a fifth man."_

_Ianto swallowed and nodded. He'd never thought that he would willingly agree but at the moment, Torchwood seemed to be all he had left and he didn't want to lose it, scared of what he might become if he did._

_Finlay approached the door but paused again and looked back at him. "You can go home now. Don't leave the city. Take your mobile everywhere and always answer when I call."_

_He nodded._

_Finlay inclined his head. "And I will always answer when you should decide you need someone to talk to."_

Ianto put his hand on the doorknob …

… _hearing the screams, seeing the tears, feeling her blood on his hands_ ...

… he turned away. He couldn't face these memories again. Not yet.

xxx

"Owen," Gwen said, entering the boardroom where Owen and Tosh were taking a break. Tosh was nibbling on a pizza and offered Gwen the box when she dropped into the comfy chair at the head of the big table. The boardroom looked completely different from every other room in the underground base. Big, brightly lit with wooden panels complimenting the concrete walls and steel beams. Gwen pulled her dark hair together behind her head, thanked her with a smile and took a slice. "About that concert on Friday, Rhys says he can't come. Some kind of bachelor party for Banana Boat."

Tosh pulled a face. "That creep's getting married?"

"No, but he thinks he's missing out on a party, so he arranged a bachelor thing."

Tosh rolled her eyes. Gwen didn't know what exactly had happened between her and Rhys's friend Banana Boat during the wedding but it couldn't have been pleasant. She knew Banana Boat – he wasn't dangerous, just annoying and thinking too much of himself. She understood why Tosh didn't want to hear another word about him, no matter how often he asked Gwen for Tosh's number.

Owen raised his eyebrows, his dark eyes staring at the pizza longingly. "So we've got a spare ticket. Does anybody of you know who would come with us instead?"

Gwen fought the habit to offer him the pizza. Being technically dead, Owen couldn't digest food anymore. The fact that he was still walking, talking and being a pain in the arse sometimes made her forget about that.

Tosh took another slice of pizza. "What about Ianto?"

Owen snorted. "He said no in the first place. What makes you think he'll change his mind?"

"I just think ..." She sighed and shook her head. "I don't know. I just think that we should push him into coming with us. He never goes out with us … and he seems so lonely."

Gwen had to agree. "I'm worried about him."

"He's pretty closed off from us. I doubt he's got any kind of private life."

Owen replied, "His private life seems to be just fine. He goes home on time every evening."

Gwen shook her head, pointing at Owen with her slice of pizza. "Because Finlay makes him."

"Maybe he's got a girlfriend."

"Yeah, but it's weird that we shouldn't know about it. I've been working here for a year and I barely know him. I mean, sure, he closes himself off but maybe we should just try harder. He could have reasons."

"We asked him several times if he wanted to go out with us," Owen replied. "He said no."

Tosh shrugged, not eating anymore, just picking at her slice. "I think he's intimidated because he's just General Support. He might not feel like he's part of the team."

"I say let him fend for himself," Owen said. "He didn't want to come with us in the first place, so we shouldn't ask him again. If he wants to be part of the team, he will have to come to us himself."

Gwen was sceptical, but gave in. "So what about the extra ticket then? Should we ask Finlay?"

Owen laughed in disbelief. "You want to go to a concert with our boss? Hell, no!"

"Well, then you make a suggestion," Gwen said sourly.

"No idea. Maybe I can sell it or something."

Gwen sighed and leaned back in her chair. "I still think we should invite Ianto, though."

"Think what you want," Owen replied. "But I'm certainly not taking him with us."


	3. Chapter 3

**2.**

The little tourist office was a safe haven for Ianto. Not only was he entirely alone up here while guarding the entrance to the Torchwood Hub, he also could pretend to have a normal life, at least for a little while. Joking with tourists, helping out natives who wanted to show guests around and didn't quite know where to begin and just sorting through catalogues and flyers was therapy. He managed the office alone and sometimes, it almost felt a bit like his own business, even though it was just a cover.

Today, it was an escape from the memories searching Sub-Level 7 had evoked and it took only an hour of dusting and tidying for Ianto to feel better.

He was just about done unpacking a new shipment of catalogues about Snowdon, when the door opened and a man entered, bringing a cool breeze of sea air and the sounds of sea gulls and the waves lapping against the piers and the quay with him. Ianto locked the secret door to the Hub with a casual motion so that it couldn't be opened from the inside and expose Torchwood, and smiled at the man. "Hello, what can I do for you?"

The man was about ten years older than Ianto, showing off a muscled frame in his tight jeans and the white shirt he was wearing. The black leather jacket completed the casual outfit. His bright eyes sparkled and he grinned at Ianto. "Oh, I think you could do a lot for me." His gaze was almost predatory and Ianto couldn't fight a blush. The man leaned on the counter and said, "I'm looking for a job."

Ianto paused. This had never happened before so it took a moment for him to regain his equilibrium. "I'm sorry but I run this office alone. The council won't support more staff so … sorry."

The man shrugged, but he didn't seem that bothered. "A shame." He stared at Ianto steadily. "How about a date then?"

"No," Ianto said immediately, the answer slipping out before he could think it through properly.

Instead of looking disappointed, the man only seemed to become more interested. "Do you already have a boyfriend?"

Ianto frowned. "That's none of your business."

"What's his name?"

Ianto swallowed. "I think … if you have no questions about the city or sights around here, I suggest that you leave … now."

The man stared at him appraisingly and Ianto got the indistinct feeling that he was assessed as a potential threat. Finally, the man straightened slowly. "Fine." He looked around. "How about a bus timetable then?"

Ianto turned around to look through the timetables hastily, wanting the man to leave as soon as possible. Before he could turn back around again, something hit him over the head and the world tilted out of sight.

xxx

Waking up was not overly painful, which bode well for Ianto's head. He blinked at the blurry shape leaning over him, until it slowly sharpened into short brown hair, dark eyes and a grim face. Owen turned away to speak to somebody behind him. "Finlay, he's waking up."

Ianto closed his eyes and rubbed them with a hand tiredly. When he opened them again, Finlay stood leaning over him. Beneath him, Ianto felt the lumpy shape of the old couch they kept in the main Hub behind the work stations. Turning his head, he saw Gwen and Tosh at Tosh's desk, keeping out of the way but apparently too curious to stay away. Owen stepped into his line of sight and took Ianto's wrist to feel his pulse.

Finlay looked worried, his grey eyes narrowed. "Hey," he said. "Ianto, do you remember what happened?"

He did. Groaning softly, he sat up carefully and sank back against the back of the couch. "He knocked me out," he said, gingerly feeling for damage on the back of his head.

"Who?" Finlay asked.

Ianto looked at him. "That guy. Up in the tourist office."

Finlay turned to Owen, but Owen just shrugged, clueless.

"That guy?" Finlay echoed. "There was no guy."

Gwen stepped closer. "I went up to go home and found you passed out on the floor."

Ianto shook his head, ignoring the slight dizziness that ensued. "There was a guy. He … was asking for a job, he was flirting and then … he knocked me out."

Finlay looked at Tosh who was busy tapping away at her computer. She was pulling up CCTV footage. From his vantage point, Ianto couldn't see anything, but Gwen and Finlay stepped closer to look. Then they turned back to Ianto. Finlay looked earnest. "There is no guy, Ianto. You just … collapsed."

"But ..." Ianto felt around the back of his head. "Here, he hit me. You can feel it."

Owen replied, "You hit the floor, mate." He shook his head. "Don't worry. You're just confused. It happens when you get hit on the head. Tomorrow, the confusion will be gone." He smiled and patted Ianto's shoulder. Ianto couldn't help but flinch away slightly, not used to the contact. He felt guilty just a moment later and avoided Owen's searching eyes. Finally, Owen got up and approached Finlay. "He's going to be alright."

Finlay nodded at him and Owen retreated to his medbay. Finlay looked at Gwen and Tosh and they hurriedly turned away, Gwen starting to gather up her things to leave again. Finlay put a hand on Ianto's shoulder. "I should take you home."

Ianto shook his head. "No, I'm alright. I have some work to finish up."

Finlay seemed reluctant, but finally nodded. "Okay, but take it easy."

xxx

Ianto switched on the torch when he realized that all the lamps in the corridor he was turning into were broken. He had decided to check if Sub-Level 4 would be suitable for the expansion of the archives. It was closer to the main Hub so he could put more recent finds here before transferring them to Sub-Level 6, where the archives were now, for long-term storage. He refused to think that he was being a coward for avoiding Sub-Level 7. Instead, he looked for reasons to make Finlay see that Sub-Level 4 was more suitable. It was close to the main Hub, maybe they could even make a research area out of it, de-clutter the main room a bit.

In the light of his torch, a door appeared out of the darkness at the end of the corridor: big and rusty with a brand new numerical lock. Ianto frowned at that and thought about asking Finlay if he knew about this. He was the Torchwood Three director for three years now, having been transferred here from Torchwood London by Yvonne Hartmann herself. He knew this base even better than Ianto did. He nodded to himself, turning to head back to the man Hub, but then his curiosity won out.

He entered his own code but the lock wouldn't open. He entered Finlay's override code – the one he technically wasn't supposed to know – but still, the lock didn't budge. Ianto decided to give it one last try before bothering Finlay and, on a whim, entered Suzie's code. She'd been Finlay's second in command before she'd gone crazy and turned homicidal, but maybe …

The lock clicked open.

Ianto paused, then he slowly pushed open the door. Another corridor, this one shorter. Three walls were concrete, the other covered by plexiglass like their cells. Ianto swallowed and stepped inside.

xxx

"Finlay," Tosh said, knocking on the open door to his office.

He looked up from his laptop and blinked at her tiredly, his bright eyes dulled by worry. Tosh was concerned as well. No matter what Owen said, Ianto remembering a man attacking him was strange. Finlay had been quiet, brooding over the CCTV footage the last few hours, as if trying to find proof that it had been tampered with. Tosh had done that as well since Owen had left just after Gwen. But she hadn't found a thing wrong with the footage. Apparently, Ianto had just collapsed, hitting his head on the counter while going down. Owen reckoned it was exhaustion. He would keep a closer eye on Ianto from now on, Tosh knew. No matter how he felt about Ianto, he was still his doctor, and to Owen, that meant something.

Giving up on the CCTV, Tosh had turned her attention back to the riddle she'd been trying to solve for days now: the hacker. Somebody had hacked into the Hub's systems days ago and deleted files, changed security codes, looked at CCTV footage from inside the Hub and pretty much left a lot of their database in shambles. Another reason Ianto's words wouldn't leave Tosh alone – it was too much of a coincidence, being hacked and the attack. But there just wasn't any proof that a stranger had been in the tourist office. All she could do was follow the trace the hacker had left behind.

Finlay cleared his throat and rubbed his eyes. "Tosh, what's up?"

"I could trace back from where the hacker gained access into our systems and unleashed the virus. It's the coffee shop around the corner."

"Dead end."

Tosh nodded. "I can't see anyone unusual going in or coming out and half the customers have their laptops with them. I work there as well, sometimes. So does Gwen."

"And me." Finlay sighed. "I wonder who wants us gone so badly."

"I wonder who managed to break through my firewalls."

Finlay nodded at that and rubbed his shoulder where Tosh knew was still the scar an alien sleeper agent had left when the team had stopped him from causing a nuclear disaster. Finlay had barely survived. The wound bothered him sometimes, especially when he was worried. "So, are you done with your analysis on what we lost?"

She nodded. "We were lucky since I could stop the attack rather quickly. We only lost personnel files and reports spanning the last six years or so. I managed to recover everything else."

"Do we have hard copies in the archives?"

"I'll have Ianto check but I don't think so. Remember, we were a bit careless about making hard copies before Ianto came to work here."

"Damn," Finlay muttered. "Fine. I guess we'll have to wait until our hacker shows up again. Did you take precautions?"

"Yes, but I don't know if they'll help us. I had precautions before the first attack after all. Most of all, we should make safety copies of everything we enter into the system."

"Brief the others about that tomorrow." He smiled. "Go home now. It's getting late."

"Did Ianto leave?" Tosh asked.

Finlay nodded. "He texted me half an hour ago. Said he had to leave and take care of something."

Tosh frowned. "Take care of what?"

Finlay shrugged.

xxx

"_Who are you?" Ianto asked._

_The man from the tourist office – the man who had attacked him, __**the man who didn't exist**__ – smiled. Bright blue eyes crinkling at the corners and white teeth flashing. "I'm the man who can't die."_

Gasping for air, Ianto woke up. His bedroom was dark and cool air was coming through the tilted window, cooling his sweaty skin and making him shiver. The inky black silhouettes of his dresser and the wardrobe were clear to see against the white walls, in the weak lights the streetlamps threw against the curtains.

Ianto took a deep breath, the nightmare _(had it been a nightmare? It certainly felt like one)_ was already fading. Another breath, reaching for calm. His heartrate slowed, his breathing evened out but the weird feeling of something being not quite right remained.

An arm sliding around his waist startled him and he cried out, struggling, but he was pinned down quickly. "Ianto, it's alright, it's just me." A dim light was switched on and Ianto stared up into Samuel's dark eyes, still gasping. Samuel brushed a calming hand through Ianto's hair. "Just me," he repeated. "Man, that was a bad one." He kissed Ianto's cheek, his stubble sliding along Ianto's – familiar, safe. Ianto relaxed and entwined their legs, burying one hand in the dark curly hair of his boyfriend, anchoring himself. Samuel made a comforting noise, then softly asked, "Lisa?"

"No. I don't know. Something random, I guess." The images were gone now, like faded memories.

"You must have had a bad day."

"What?" Ianto asked, a bit surprised because his day had been okay, actually. Aside from the fact that he'd collapsed.

Samuel shrugged. "You missed dinner and when I came home, you were already asleep."

"Dinner ..."

"Dinner with my parents. Eight o'clock, St. David's Hotel, remember?"

Ianto closed his eyes and breathed out. "To celebrate the engagement."

"Yeah. They were very very sad that you couldn't be there. You know they love you to pieces."

"And I didn't even tell you I wouldn't be able to make it, did I? I'm sorry," Ianto whispered, stroking Samuel's cheek. "This job, it's ..."

"I understand."

"It's unfair towards you. I can't tell you what happened at work. All you have is my word that it was important."

"And I believe you." Samuel grimaced. "Well, we had our difficulties but now, I do." He grinned. "Must be the ring on your finger. Like, you're mine, for all the world to see."

Ianto chuckled, his fingers brushing over the ring that he kept in his suit pocket during working hours. "I'm glad your parents approve of me."

"Even if they wouldn't, I would still marry you. Oh, your sister called, by the way. She said Johnny won't be able to make it to the ceremony because of a job up in Glasgow, but she and the children will be there. And most of my friends already told me they'd come."

"Good," Ianto said.

"What about your colleagues?"

Ianto swallowed. "My colleagues?"

"They should come. No need to tell anyone anything about Torchwood but I want to know who they are." Ianto avoided Samuel's eyes, who heaved a deep sigh. "They still don't know about me at all, do they?"

"They're not interested in my life, Sam. It's got nothing to do with you or our relationship."

"You can be a pretty closed off person, though. Maybe it's not entirely their fault."

Ianto sighed, reluctantly seeing Samuel's point. "Maybe."

"Invite them," Samuel said and dropped a kiss on Ianto's lips before switching off the nightlamp and laying his head on Ianto's shoulder. "Go to sleep now."

Ianto sighed deeply and relaxed into his fiancé's arms.

xxx

The morning was cold and rainy, like all mornings seemed to be recently, and the warmth that Samuel and Ianto's flat always seemed to emit was quickly gone.

Ianto shivered while he hurried over the Plass, going through his coat pockets to find the key to the tourist office. It was still early and in this weather, no joggers were running along the wooden walkway around the bay. His steps made a hollow sound on the boards, rhythmic as the sea slapping against the quay. Loud laughter broke the quiet, a group of young people – students probably – piling off one of the boats, clearly just ending a night fuelled by alcohol.

Ianto was so distracted by them that he didn't watch his step and bumped into somebody. "Sorry," he said, throwing the stranger a smile.

"No problem at all," the man said, winking at him, then he ran away.

Ianto froze and whirled around to look after him. He gasped. Blue, mischievous eyes, sandy-brown short hair, the wink … it was the man who had attacked him in the tourist office – the man who didn't exist. And he'd come from the office.

Hastily, he ran towards the tourist office. The door was closed, though. He quickly opened it and looked around. Everything was still in order – shelves, catalogues, flyers – but Ianto couldn't help wondering, couldn't help fearing ...

"Alright?" somebody asked behind him.

He turned around to Finlay. "We have a problem," he said. "Somebody is trying to break into Torchwood."

xxx

"You believe me now, don't you?" Ianto asked while Finlay pulled the CCTV feed. The lights in the main Hub were still coming to life after having been kept to a minimum in the night. They flickered, throwing threatening shadows into every corner. There was no water running down the tower yet. The absence of the trickling made everything else seem so much louder: the beeping of the machines, the gentle hum of the generators, the soft cries of their pterodactyl Myfanwy. It was early and already, Ianto felt exhausted.

Finlay pulled the chair closer to Owen's desk and sat, unzipping his tracksuit jacket while he waited for the CCTV to load. He must have been out on his daily run, Ianto mused, making a mental note to prepare a healthy breakfast.

"You say he ran into you?" Finlay asked, finding footage of Ianto crossing the Plass and following him with a few mouseclicks. The grainy footage was made worse by the twilight. Ianto was nothing more than a pixely, dark shadow crossing the bright paving.

"Yes, just outside the office."

"Describe him again," Finlay said, pulling up another program they used to cross-reference suspects they only had a description of.

"Blue eyes, maybe an inch taller than I am, athletic, light brown hair."

"Name?"

"He never gave me one."

Finlay let the search run while he turned back to the CCTV. "There," he said. Ianto saw himself walk along the quay, approaching the office. His eyes widened when he suddenly stopped underneath a lamp and then turned back where he'd come from before running for the office.

"Wait," he said, rewinding the footage. "That, right there … that was me seeing him. He ran away." Finlay looked at the footage. Ianto could feel his chest tighten painfully when – again – there was no stranger. "I … saw him," he stuttered.

Finlay looked up at him, his grey eyes dark with worry. "Ianto, there's no one there."

"But I saw him." He swallowed and backed away. "I swear I did."

Finlay raised his hands. "I know. Calm down." He got up, pulling his mobile from his tracksuit bottoms. "I know you think you saw someone-"

"I saw someone! He was right there!" Ianto shook his head and turned away from Finlay, crossing his arms. "He must have manipulated the CCTV feed." He looked back at Finlay, who was waiting for the phone to be picked up. "He must have!"

Finlay just looked at him. Into the phone, he said, "Owen, get over here." Then he hung up.

"Manipulation," Ianto said pleadingly.

"I'll have Tosh check it out," Finlay answered. It was as good as him saying _'I don't think so'_.

Ianto sank into Tosh's chair, bewildered and more than a bit scared. "Oh, God," he muttered.

"Ianto," Finlay said firmly, coming closer, "it's alright. We'll have Owen check you over." He put a hand on Ianto's shoulder, careful, as if he was scared of Ianto's reaction. "It's going to be alright."

Ianto wasn't quite sure of that.


	4. Chapter 4

**3.**

"I can't see anything wrong with him … physically," Owen said and looked at Ianto thoughtfully. Ianto ducked his head and stared at the floor, hating to be the centre of the attention. Gwen and Tosh were sitting on the steps leading down into the well of Owen's medbay and Finlay was leaning against the wall, a deep frown cut into his handsome face. The neon lights were glaringly bright in the white-tiled room, making Ianto uncomfortably aware of not being able to hide anything.

Finlay asked, "Could it be the hit on the head from yesterday?"

Ianto looked up at him, then at Owen, hopeful. It would be a good explanation. Owen shoved his hands into the pockets of his lab coat and raised a dark eyebrow at Ianto. "Could be. Could be mental problems."

Ianto snapped, "I don't have mental problems."

"Please! We all do – we work here, after all."

Silence descended while they all thought about those words.

Finally, Ianto broke the silence. "No mental problems. Not to that extend."

"And exactly what doctor would be able to confirm that?" Owen asked.

"Dr. Mellor. I went to see him after Lisa died. I omitted details to him but ..." Ianto swallowed. "He helped. He gave me a clean bill of health."

Gwen cleared her throat. "What about an alien artefact?"

Tosh shook her head. "I don't think so. I went through our database. We don't have a lot of artefacts here that can cause audible or visual hallucinations and those are locked away safely."

"Maybe something we don't have here," Gwen said, crossing her arms and propping her elbows on her thighs. "There are things scattered throughout the city we haven't found yet."

Finlay gave that a nod. "Right."

Owen said, "Okay, what exactly did you do yesterday after leaving, Ianto?"

"I went home."

"In your car?"

Ianto paused. He closed his eyes, trying to think back. He remembered working in the archives, thinking about the expansion …

"Ianto?" Finlay asked.

Working in the archives … Ianto let out a frustrated breath. "I don't … I don't remember."

"You remember leaving here, though?"

Thinking about the expansion … Ianto shook his head. "No," he whispered. "Just … waking up from a nightmare in my bed."

Owen looked at Finlay in concern. Finlay stared at Ianto intently. "What's the last thing you remember before that?"

Ianto focussed, tried to … "I was … in the archives, thinking about the expansion, making plans ..." He shook his head. "It becomes kind of fuzzy after that."

Finlay looked at Ianto for another long moment, then at Owen. "Test for Retcon."

Owen nodded and made a note. "Sure thing."

Shocked, Gwen asked, "Retcon? But who would ..." She paused.

"I don't know," Finlay said. "But there's a lot strange about this."

Ianto rubbed his forehead, feeling a headache build.

Owen asked, "Alright?"

"Headache," Ianto answered.

Finlay continued, "So let's assume you went straight home and to bed. You woke from a nightmare … what then?"

"I ..." Ianto swallowed and stared at his hands, folded on his lap. This was the wrong time for him to tell them about Samuel. "I calmed down and went back to sleep. I had breakfast and came in to work."

"Ianto," Finlay said gently, "did anyone enter your life recently?"

"No." Not recently. Samuel … that had been over a year ago.

But of course, Finlay knew him too well. "Are you sure? Remember what happened with Mary." Finlay's voice was closer now, and gentle, reminding Ianto of the times he'd visited him during his suspension after Lisa. "There's something you're not telling us."

"It's not relevant for this," Ianto said.

"Maybe it is."

Ianto looked up at Finlay. He took a deep breath. "I'm engaged."

Silence entered, reigning until Finlay let out a sigh. "Since when?"

"A couple of weeks. Going on … four months." He ducked his head, unable to look at anyone. His fingers were white-knuckled from the tight grip they had around one another.

Tosh's voice was so soft it barely reached him. "I didn't even know you had a girlfriend."

"I don't. His name's Samuel. He's a ..." He closed his eyes, knowing how this would sound. "He's the therapist. Doctor Mellor."

Owen snorted. "Figures."

"Owen!" Finlay snapped.

Ianto was surprised when gentle fingers entwined with his, loosening his death grip. He looked up at Gwen, who smiled her tooth-gapped grin at him, her green eyes sparkling happily. "Congratulations," she said and kissed his cheek.

"Why didn't we know about this?" Finlay asked angrily, breaking through the momentary relief Gwen's words and actions caused. "Why didn't _I_ know about this?"

Ianto looked at him and he could see that he was hurt. It was only understandable. After all, Finlay had helped him back on his feet after Lisa and he knew him better than the others. "I decided that I had to work through some issues with a professional and it developed into more and it was always kind of … private. You didn't ask," he said, sounding suspiciously defensive. Tosh looked taken aback, as did Finlay. Ianto quickly said, "Listen, I should have told you but … I liked having something separate from Torchwood and … I have no other excuse."

Silence settled in the room and Ianto avoided everyone's eyes.

"Does he know?" Finlay asked finally.

"He knows I work special ops. He thinks Lisa was a team member in addition to being my girlfriend and that I lost her on a mission. He's heard of Torchwood, like everyone in Cardiff, but he doesn't know anything more than that we deal with crazy things." He cleared his throat. "We want you to come to our wedding."

Gwen squeezed his hand. "Sure. When's that going to be?"

"Next month. The 23rd." Ianto looked at everyone. "I'm sorry. It's just that Torchwood wrecked my life before and I just wanted to avoid it happening again."

xxx

Ianto knew it was going to be bad news when Finlay asked him to join him and Owen in his office, instead of them talking to him in front of Gwen and Tosh in the main Hub area. Which didn't bode well for Ianto.

He took a deep breath while closing the office door and then turned around to Finlay and Owen. The room was filled with the warm lights of several standard lamps and the desk lamp. Ianto knew Finlay didn't like the neon lights that were usually used in the Hub. The soft lights gave his office a homey feel – something Finlay appreciated especially when he had the nightshift and slept in the bunker underneath the office.

Finlay was sitting behind his desk, an earnest frown on his forehead while Owen was leaning against the desk, his arms crossed. Both of them looked grim and tense and Ianto decided to spare them the decision of who was going to tell him. "It's negative," he said, "isn't it?"

Owen and Finlay looked at each other before Owen answered, "I couldn't find the lightest trace of Retcon in your blood."

Ianto folded his hands on his back. "Which means I wasn't dosed within the last four weeks. Which means that something is seriously wrong with me because I keep seeing a man who isn't there."

Finlay sighed deeply. "It's not good. That's for sure."

Owen nodded. "Could be stress-related."

Ianto squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm not stressed."

When he opened his eyes again, Finlay had folded his hands on the desk. "Could be an alien artefact," he pondered. "Something you touched somewhere while doing the shopping or going home."

"You'll look for it?" Ianto asked.

"Write down where you've been over the last week or so and I'll send out Gwen and Tosh."

"What about me?"

Finlay and Owen exchanged another glance.

Ianto swallowed. "I'm a potential risk, aren't I?"

"Yes," Owen answered.

"No," Finlay said at the same time. Owen glared at him. Finlay sighed reluctantly. "I'll have to ask you to take a few days off. To clear your head."

Ianto's interlocked fingers started to squeeze – hard. "You think I'm losing my mind."

Before Finlay could say something, Owen interrupted, "We think a break would do you some good. You never take days off. The last time you were gone for more than the mandatory two days a week was during your suspension after the Cyberwoman – over a year ago."

Ianto ducked his head, hating to be reminded of it again and again. Finlay raised a hand and gave Owen a shake of his head. "Look," he said to Ianto, "I'll send out Gwen and Tosh and if you have another … episode, call me and I'll see what I'll find. I just think that we should rule out a mental cause."

"I'm not crazy," Ianto replied firmly.

"Nobody said you are."

Owen snorted. "But maybe you should stop shagging your boyfriend for a while and go back on his couch instead."

Shooting Owen a glare, Finlay said, "Maybe it's just stress. Ianto, can you accept that decision?"

"Do I have a choice?"

Finlay shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"Then it's okay with me." Ianto forced a smile.

Finlay looked torn and sad. "Ianto-"

"No, it's alright," Ianto interrupted him. "You have to do what you have to do."

Owen sounded uncharacteristically gentle when he spoke again. "A week. Relax, sleep in, by all means have loads of sex and then we'll see what happens."

Finlay continued, "In the meantime, we'll keep an eye out, increase safety measures, just in case." He nodded, almost to himself. "We'll beat this … one way or the other."


	5. Chapter 5

**4.**

Ianto was sitting on the couch in their living room, trying and failing to focus on a book, when Samuel came home. He grinned brightly when he saw Ianto and Ianto put his book aside, smiling back.

"Well, that's a surprise," Samuel said, crossing the lounge to drop on the couch next to him. The worn leather creaked under the added weight and the cushion tilted Ianto towards Samuel. He went willingly and relished the warmth Samuel was emitting while Samuel buried his face in Ianto's neck and breathed in. "You … home already." His arms wrapped around Ianto and pulled him closer, cradling him against his chest.

Ianto sighed and curled up, making himself smaller to fit. He closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of Samuel's leather jacket, relaxing for the first time in what felt like forever. "I'm taking a few days off," he said softly.

"Hm," Samuel murmured, sniffing Ianto's hair. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You never take days off. Never ever."

Ianto looked at him, brushed a hand through the dark curls and said, "It's stress. I'm just stressed."

Samuel nodded in understanding and took Ianto's hand, playing with the ring on Ianto's finger. "The wedding?"

"It's got nothing to do with the wedding."

"It's guilt, probably. Because of Lisa."

"Stop analysing me!" Ianto snapped, pushing away from Samuel. "You promised!"

Samuel sighed and dropped a kiss on Ianto's forehead. "I did. Sorry." He kissed Ianto's lips, pulling him closer again. "Well, now that I have you here, let's go out," he suggested.

Ianto shook his head. "I'm not in the mood."

"Come on. That posh French place you like so much," Samuel said and then whispered into Ianto's ear, "I'll pay, we'll have some wine, some chocolate mousse and then we go home and have amazing sex."

Ianto couldn't help but chuckle. "All that effort just because you want sex."

"What can I say? I'm a gentleman. I know how to get into your pants."

Ianto cupped his cheek and looked into Samuel's brown eyes. "Lifesaver," he said, completely earnest.

Samuel blushed slightly, swallowed and smiled tentatively. "I love you."

xxx

It was about half-way through dinner that Ianto noticed him. There was a man outside on the other side of the street, half-hidden by shadows and people passing by the restaurant – but he didn't move on like everybody else, didn't wait for someone … he just stared at Ianto and Samuel, who were sitting in the restaurant at the window. It was the same man who had tried to break into the tourist office, who had bothered Ianto before.

_The man who didn't exist._

Ianto's heartbeat accelerated and he frantically tried to ignore the man, staring at Samuel who was talking about his parents. He couldn't, though. The man kept staring, people passing by him, close enough to touch but never running into him, ignoring him.

_He didn't exist._

Ianto's eyes betrayed him, finding the man again. He grinned at him, teeth glinting in the lights of the streetlamps …

"Hey!" Samuel's hand wrapped around his wrist gently, pulling his attention back to his fiancé. "Ianto, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he answered. "Nothing, I just … I'm tired, could we leave?"

Samuel frowned. "Sure." He signaled the waiter.

Ianto looked outside at the man again, his fingers slipping into his jeans pocket, touching the cool case of the mobile. Should he call Finlay? Or would that be the wrong move? The man looked at him, almost challengingly.

"Ready to go?" Samuel asked.

Ianto nodded absently.

Samuel's fingers entwined with his and pulled him to his feet, away from the window. Suddenly, Ianto was a bit scared to leave. He didn't let it show, though, slipping into his denim jacket. Samuel put an arm around his shoulders. "You're tense," he said while the left the restaurant.

The man was gone.

Ianto breathed a sigh of relief and leaned into Samuel. "I need the days off."

Samuel hummed in agreement. Ianto's eyes widened when he saw the man again, standing leaning against a wall – on their side of the street, as if he was waiting for them to pass by … Ianto swallowed and averted his eyes.

_He didn't exist!_

Because he looked into the other direction, he missed Samuel noticing the man's eyes lingering, missed the way he glared possessively ... missed the very fact that Samuel was able to see the stranger.

xxx

Ianto stared out into the street. Rain was drumming against the window, sliding down the glass blurring the night. He leaned his forehead against the window and closed his eyes. The cold glass made him shiver a bit, his breath fogging up the window. He'd woken from a nightmare, sweaty and gasping, and he'd left their bed before Samuel could wake also, needing time to calm himself down. He felt tired now but he couldn't go back to sleep. The nightmare clung to his mind and wouldn't let him go.

_Sub-Level 4, the weak lights of the lamps and then the man who didn't exist standing in his way, grinning widely. "I'm the man who can't die." He began to blur around the edges, ever so slowly vanishing, and then he whispered, "I'm valuable, you see. Gotta keep me a secret." The lights flickered, went out, for just a second and then on again. The man was gone but his laughter still filtered through the air._

"_Who are you?" Ianto asked._

_The man's whisper was close now, as if he was standing right in front of him. "Captain Jack Harkness, Torchwood Three pet."_

"Hey," somebody said softly. Startled, Ianto turned around to Samuel, who was standing in the door to the bedroom, blinking at him sleepily. His chest was bare, the light-blue pyjama bottoms hugging his slim hips. Ianto swallowed, feeling affection well up in him. The understanding and patience in Samuel's eyes made him feel bad for being so difficult to live with. Samuel smiled. "You're supposed to rest."

Ianto forced an answering smile. "You know me. Rest is not an option." Pushing away from the window sill, he walked over to Samuel, straight into his arms. It was not like him to be so needy and he felt weak for it, but that didn't stop him.

"Come on," Samuel whispered, leading him back to the bed. Under the duvet, it was still warm from Samuel's body heat and Ianto relaxed into the mattress. The weak light coming from the street lamps outside and Samuel's arms wrapping around him from behind soothed his frayed nerves.

Slowly, he turned around to look at Samuel, whose head was lying close enough for their noses to touch. Samuel kissed him and Ianto moaned softly. One of Samuel's fingers brushed the skin underneath Ianto's right eye, his dark eyes glinting in the weak light. "You're so tired." He kissed Ianto's forehead. "Sleep."

Ianto sighed deeply and closed his eyes. And between one breath and another, he fell asleep.

xxx

"_Well, this is different." The voice was smooth, the grin bright and the blue eyes sparkled. Three concrete walls, one wall made of plexiglass – one of the cells in the Hub. One Ianto had never seen before. The cell was furnished rather comfortably. There was food on the desk in the corner, a bed, a dresser, a shelf with books and some records, a record player. _

_The prisoner shoved his hands into the pockets of his training bottoms. "Hello." It wasn't the man who'd been following Ianto around – the stalker – even though Ianto remembered having dreamed of him in this room before. Somehow, though, this new man fit better into the cell, like he'd been in here all along and the stalker had just been a placetaker in Ianto's confused mind. This man had broader shoulders, darker, short hair with a fringe falling into his forehead and instead of the roguish features the face of a film star. "Is Finlay dead?"_

_Ianto pulled himself out of his shock. "Pardon?" _

"_Finlay Birch, director of Torchwood Three. Is he dead?"_

"_No."_

"_You see, usually, when a new person comes in, the director's dead and the new one introduces himself."_

_Ianto swallowed, not knowing why he let himself be pulled into this conversation by the easy smile and casual attitude. He shouldn't trust this man. He didn't even know him. Yet, he said, "I'm General Support."_

"_Way down the food chain," the prisoner replied and he grinned wildly, his eyes raking up and down Ianto's body._

"_Who are you?"_

"_Captain Jack Harkness, Torchwood Three pet."_

"_I didn't know there was somebody down here."_

"_Of course not, gorgeous. Only the directors are allowed to know about me." He shrugged. "I'm valuable, you see. Gotta keep me a secret."_

"_Why?" Ianto asked._

"_I'm the man who can't die."_

Ianto startled awake, recognized his and Samuel's lounge and turned away to press his face into the back of the couch. Three times he'd fallen asleep for a nap today and three times, he'd woken remembering the same dream. He groaned and peeked at the clock in one of the bookshelves. Samuel had to be home by now.

As if he'd read his thoughts, his fiancé appeared in the door to the kitchen. "Hello, sleepyhead," he said. "I brought Chinese." Ianto didn't feel very hungry. Samuel frowned at the lack of enthusiasm and sat down on the couch. "Are you alright?"

Ianto stretched his legs out to rest them on Samuel's thighs. "Sure, I'm fine."

"I hate to play the therapist card, especially considering that we're so much more than that but … you look troubled and you've been awfully quiet. What's going on?"

Ianto shook his head. "Nothing, just … weird dreams."

Samuel made a thoughtful noise and started to massage Ianto's calves. When he spoke, his voice was soft and careful, as if he was afraid to frighten him in some way. "You've been acting a bit distracted lately. You forget things, you're always somewhere else with your thoughts … and Lisa's birthday's coming up."

Ianto's chest tightened, taking his breath for just a second. Thinking of Lisa shouldn't be so painful anymore, but it probably would always be. "What does that have to with anything?" he asked, irritated that Samuel would even bring Lisa up.

"Ianto, she died a year ago. You were ready to marry her and now you're engaged to someone else."

"So what?" Ianto asked viciously, pulling his legs away and sitting up. "Are we moving too fast for you? Do you need more time? Do you want to break up?"

Samuel frowned. "Ianto, don't go and put words in my mouth," he said slowly. "That's unlike you. What is going on?"

"Nothing! It's got to do with work and work's confidential, so I can't tell you. I'll handle this myself." He got up and wanted to go and get his jacket, needing to get out and get some air.

Samuel grabbed his wrist, though. "Alright! Sorry." He got up and embraced Ianto from behind, holding on to him. "I'm sorry." Ianto relaxed a bit, feeling Samuel loosening his grip in turn. "Weird dreams," Samuel said calmly, "indicate that your subconscious is trying to come to terms with something."

"I know that. But it's ..." He swallowed, shaking his head. "It's impossible. It can't be real."

"Well, it's probably not, but maybe you should just … go with the flow."

Ianto turned around to him. "What do you mean?"

"Convince yourself it can't be real." Samuel smiled. "Easy, right?"

Ianto frowned. But it sounded logical. It sounded like a good idea, actually. He glanced at the clock again. Too early. The team would still be at the Hub, but it was Friday. They went out for drinks on Fridays. In about another hour. One part of him wondered why he wanted to wait until the Hub was deserted – until nobody could see him there – but he didn't pause to think about it. He looked up at Samuel instead. "I'll have to go out later."

"Let me come with you?"

"No, I … need to do this alone."

Samuel sighed, nodding reluctantly. "Fine." He pecked Ianto's lips. "At least, eat something before you leave."

Ianto shook his head. "I'm not hungry." Again, Samuel sighed. Ianto swallowed, realizing that he'd probably been a bit harsh on Samuel and he didn't even do anything wrong. He was just trying to help. The last person he wanted to hurt was Samuel. "You're trying to help," he said. "Thank you."

Samuel stepped towards him and kissed his lips. "It's alright."

"I'm sorry," Ianto said softly and kissed Samuel again, deepening the kiss slowly until they were both breathless and slightly aroused. It had been too long, Ianto realized, since they'd had sex. He closed his eyes and put his arms around Samuel's neck. This was one thing he could do. One thing he could give Samuel. "Let's go to bed for a little while."

Samuel grinned. "I thought you'd never ask."

xxx

The Hub was quiet and abandoned. While the team was out at the pub or anywhere else, alarms were always forwarded to their mobiles. Vacation wasn't an exception, not even a forced vacation like Ianto had, which was perfect right now. Should anything come up that would cause the team to head back, Ianto would receive a fair warning. If nothing came up, he estimated that he had about two hours alone. Enough time to do some searching.

The first thing he did was enter the name _Jack Harkness_ into their data base. He came up empty. That didn't really surprise him. If Harkness was a secret (_if Harkness really existed_, a mean little voice told him, but he ignored it), then there wouldn't be any files where the team could find them.

He grabbed a torchlight and headed down into the basement. He faintly remembered the way he'd taken in the dream to find Harkness. The closer he got to his goal, the clearer the memories became. It was utterly quiet in the damp corridors of the Hub, the weak lights flickering or not working at all. Ianto usually didn't have a problem with that. Tonight, though, he found himself turning around every so often to see if he was being followed.

He turned a corner, then another one and then he froze, seeing the numeric lock on the old door at the end of the corridor. He took a deep breath and gripped the torch tighter to suppress the trembling of his hands.

The door existed.

It didn't mean anything, yet, not really, but … slowly, he walked towards the door. He paused in front of it for a second, then punched in Suzie's code. The hinges squeaked, the lights inside woke from their long sleep and Ianto entered.

No cell, no prisoner ... no Jack Harkness.

Ianto shook his head. It couldn't be. He remembered his dream, he could practically see the cell, the furniture, Jack Harkness. It had been this room. He walked around, ran his hands over the walls, looking for any sign that there had been a cell once, that it had been removed. He found none.

And then it occurred to him: There hadn't been a hit on Jack Harkness's name in the data base, but Finlay kept files in the secure archives in his office. Files nobody but the directors were supposed to see and maybe … he turned and ran, leaving the door open and not caring.

He was panting erratically by the time he reached Finlay's office. It wasn't the running that got to him but the pure, unadulterated panic. If he didn't find something in here, now, it couldn't be real and Ianto couldn't even begin to think about what that would mean for his sanity.

He opened the secure archives and got out one sealed box after another: the ghost machine, the remains of the glove Finlay had used to revive Owen, the life knife … and then he held the box with the files. He wasn't supposed to know the code, of course not, but he did anyway. He sank to the floor and ripped the files out, one after another, ignoring blueprints for the Rift manipulator and secret UNIT reports. But he didn't find it.

There was no file on Jack Harkness.

He leafed through the folders one by one, thinking it might be hidden – nothing.

Jack Harkness didn't exist.

Just like his stalker didn't exist.

Ianto brushed his hands through his hair and just sat there, in the middle of open files he shouldn't be allowed to see, wondering when he'd lost control over his life.

xxx

Ianto stood at the foot of their bed and looked at Samuel who was sleeping peacefully in the soft light of the bedsidetable lamp, a book resting on his chest. He'd tried to wait for Ianto. And Ianto had failed him, yet again. The way home had taken him longer than usual. He'd paused a lot, taken detours and thought about his situation. He felt exhausted now that his doubts about his sanity had increased from a dull flame to a ever-increasing fire. And he needed, _needed_, his fiancé now. "Samuel," he said loudly.

Samuel startled awake and looked at Ianto blearily. "Ianto? What's the matter?" He blinked and looked at the clock. "My God, it's two in the morning. Where have you been?"

"Something is wrong with me," Ianto said, then added hesitantly, "I think."

Samuel frowned. "What's wrong?"

Ianto swallowed and felt tears well up in his eyes. "I've been seeing things."

Samuel sat up fully and reached out a hand. "Come here."

Ianto obeyed and sat on the edge of the bed. Samuel took his hand.

And Ianto told him everything.


	6. Chapter 6

**5.**

Ianto barely registered Samuel's promise to try and be back soon from his parents'. He answered the peck on the lips he got half-heartedly and felt bad for it as soon as the flat's door closed. It wasn't Samuel's fault. The text he got just after nine only served to heighten his guilt.

_I love you._

Ianto sighed deeply, replied in kind and then buried underneath the bedcovers again.

He woke from insistent knocking on the door. Blearily, he blinked at the clock.

Half eleven.

He sighed heavily and got up. It wasn't like him to sleep for that long or to be so demotivated, but a lot of things happening right now weren't like him. While he pulled on a jumper and checked if his pyjama bottoms were good enough to answer the door, he thought that it was a wonder he hadn't been fired and retconned, that Samuel hadn't packed his bags and left …

He opened the door with messy hair and dark smudges under his eyes and felt slightly self-conscious when he saw Finlay standing there, his hands in his jeans pockets and the dark leather jacket tight on his broad shoulders. "I need to come in," he said.

Ianto nodded and stepped aside. "Tea?" he asked while closing the door. "Coffee?" He followed Finlay to the lounge. "I guess I could make some break-"

"Are you out of your mind?" Finlay snapped, whirling around to him. "Have you gone completely bonkers, Ianto? Because I don't think it's funny anymore. I don't even think it's slightly weird. I think it's plain mad!"

Ianto looked at him quizzically. "I don't-"

"You went through my files!"

Ianto took a step back and swallowed. "Fuck," he muttered. He hadn't put them back into the safe before he'd left last night. How could he have been so stupid? "Fuck," he repeated.

Finlay's bright eyes were blazing. "I can't believe you would betray my trust like that – again!" Ianto stepped back when Finlay approached him angrily. "So? Explain yourself."

Ianto stared at him, flailing for words. "I …" He swallowed. "I can't."

"You can't," Finlay echoed. "That's brilliant, Ianto! Give me one reason," he pulled a bottle with pills from his jacket, "not to retcon you. Give me one reason not to fire you and erase your memories!"

"I have no reason!" Ianto answered angrily. "There's no reason!" He only realized that he was crying when Finlay looked at him, shocked, and he felt tears run down his cheeks.

"Ianto ..."

"There is no reason." Ianto wiped his eyes and sat on the couch. "I'm sorry."

Finlay sat down next to him, put a hand on his shoulder and then pulled it away again, as if he wasn't sure Ianto wanted him to touch him. His voice had softened considerably, when he said, "Listen, Ianto … I'm sorry. It's just that I'm worried."

"I know."

"Why did you look through my files?"

Ianto let out a breath. "It doesn't matter."

"I want to hear it," Finlay replied.

Ianto hesitated and looked at Finlay for a moment, pondering if he should tell him. It could be exactly the wrong move but then again, Finlay had always been there for him before. "I kind of ..." He swallowed and then straightened his shoulders and looked at Finlay in determination. "I thought there was a man imprisoned in the basement. There's a room with a lock that opens with Suzie's code and inside, I thought I saw a man – Jack Harkness. Hidden away in our basement, just like that."

"A man," Finlay said slowly, then he took a deep breath. "You thought _I_ kept him there?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know why ..." Ianto paused and shook his head. "I know it was stupid." He rubbed his eyes. "I talked to Samuel yesterday about seeing things – mainly that stranger following me around."

"What did he say?"

"A kind of post-traumatic stress disorder, caused by the wedding. He thinks I feel guilty for being a in a new relationship this fast after Lisa's death and that my subconscious is freaking out and I'm having a nervous breakdown."

"I thought he treated you for your PTSD after Lisa died."

"Apparently, it flared up again." Ianto shook his head. "Lisa's birthday, the wedding, work ..."

"Too much at once," Finlay concluded. "Maybe you should take some more time off. A few weeks, perhaps, to get yourself sorted?"

Ianto shook his head. "It's not necessary. We … removed the factor of the wedding and will see what'll happen." Finlay stared at him questioningly. Ianto smiled helplessly, feeling new tears in his eyes. "It's off. Samuel took back the proposal yesterday."

"Did he break up with you?"

"No," Ianto said softly. "He says he loves me and that he doesn't want to leave me … but he won't marry me as long as it's causing this reaction."

Finlay raised his eyebrows. "But that's good. It's not a rejection, Ianto, it's concern."

Ianto snorted. "He will leave, sooner or later." He closed his eyes. "They all do."

xxx

The Rift alarm came in on his mobile at three in the afternoon. As protocol dictated, Ianto called in to Finlay, asking if they needed help. Finlay turned him down, explaining that it was just some alien tourists who'd landed at the beach. More of a nuisance than a danger. Nevertheless, the team would have to handle the problem and retcon any witnesses. He rang off with that and Ianto was left alone in the flat again.

Samuel wasn't back yet. He'd texted every now and then, informing Ianto on their progress in helping his father prepare the house for the coming winter. His parents lived in a very old house in a small village in the Brecon Beacons and experience had taught them that giving the house a thorough cleaning and fixing-up before winter went a long way to spare them any problems that might surface with the first snow falling and the roads out of the Beacons blocked.

It didn't help Ianto, though. Not today. He wished he'd gone with Samuel. The silence was oppressive, pushing down on his shoulders.

The ringing of his mobile was a relief. He checked the display and picked up. "When will you be home?" More than anything, he needed Samuel's company right now. The fact that he wasn't back until now – with dinner simmering on the stove – could only mean bad news.

"_It's more work than we thought,"_ Samuel said. _"It's going to take a while until we're done here. It's going to be late." _

Ianto knew what Samuel was saying without having to ask. Samuel was quiet and Ianto decided to give him the easy way out. "The Brecons aren't a good place to drive through at night. Just … stay with your parents."

"_Are you sure?"_

"Sure. I'll see you tomorrow then."

"_Ianto … I'm sorry."_

"No need. Your father can't do it alone and you were planning this for weeks."

"_I feel bad for leaving you alone."_

"I'm alright," Ianto lied, forcing himself to smile as he knew Samuel would know if he wasn't. "I promise."

After a short goodbye, they rang off. Ianto had dinner alone, but he barely ate anything, feeling sick to the stomach. He cleaned the kitchen and then sat on the couch. It was just after seven but he already felt tired enough to go to bed. He was just trying to make his mind up about that when his mobile beeped, announcing a text. Sighing, Ianto grabbed it off the table. It wasn't from the Samuel as he'd expected, but from a number that was marked as _Unknown_.

_I know you're free tonight, so let me keep you company. Bar Reunion, 8pm. Sincerely, your stalker._

Ianto stared at the message, his head reeling. "How?" he asked aloud. Another text arrived.

_Come alone._

Ianto stared at the text and bit his lip, thinking about it. He should ignore this. This was just the next stage in his hallucinations, wasn't it? The man didn't exist. He put the mobile on the table and went to the bedroom. He would go to sleep and ignore the messages and tomorrow Samuel would be home and he would ask him to refer him to a colleague of his. He would get his life, his mind, back under control. Because this wasn't real. It wasn't.

Fifteen minutes later, he put on jeans, a hoodie and grabbed his jacket and keys, leaving the flat.

Headed for _Bar Reunion_.


	7. Chapter 7

**6.**

The bar was packed with the Saturday night crowd. People milling about and talking, laughing loudly, kissing in the quiet corners and ignoring Ianto completely. In his hoodie and old jeans, he didn't draw attention at all and that was exactly what he'd wanted to achieve. He looked around but couldn't see the stalker anywhere. He walked around the bar aimlessly, making sure to check every niche and room available to guests but he either wasn't here yet or he'd decided not to meet Ianto after all.

_Or_, a mean little voice whispered, _he's just a delusion and delusions don't meet up with you in bars_.

Ianto sat at the counter and ordered a beer, intending to wait for a bit. For what, he wasn't sure.

A man behind him ordered Tequila and then there suddenly was a weight pressing him up against the bar and an arm around his waist, holding him place. For any onlookers, it might have looked like an inappropriate come-on or maybe even a flirt. Ianto tensed and tried to push back but the man had him pinned. "Nice, nice," he purred and Ianto turned his head to see the stalker looking at him. Blue eyes in a roguish face showing a teasing grin. The sandy hair was slicked back with gel and he smelled of aftershave and the leather jacket he was wearing. "You really came, you clever boy."

"Who are you?" Ianto asked softly, scared that he might be heard talking to thin air if he was really imagining all this. But it didn't seem very likely. The body behind him was too solid, the scent too overpowering. Really, if his mind had come up with this guy then it had some weird taste in aftershave.

"The real question is: Who are you?" The man grinned and then leaned even closer, whispering, "If you kiss me, I might just give you some answers."

Ianto turned the chair around to face him. "Are you real?"

"Why don't you find out?" The man licked his lips in anticipation.

Mentally, Ianto pulled a face at the offer of a kiss from someone he didn't even know, but on the outside, he played along. There was a way to find out if this bloke was a mere hallucination. So he smiled … and kneed him in the groin. The man groaned, doubled over and then fell to his knees with a pained moan. A group of women started to laugh hysterically and some men sent the stalker sympathetic looks. Ianto's faked smile turned real, then a relived laugh bubbled out of him, catching him by surprise. The man existed! He really did!

Ianto pulled his mobile from his hoodie pocket and selected Finlay's number, but his thumb suddenly hovered over the call button. Something held him back from dialling.

The stalker got up and leant against the bar. The bartender set a shot of Tequila down and winked at the stalker when he slapped a five pound note on the surface. "This one's on me. For the pain."

The stalker rolled his eyes and downed the Tequila. Then he looked at Ianto and at the mobile in his hand, still waiting for the call button to be pushed. The stalker looked back in Ianto's eyes and something sparkled in his gaze: the knowledge that Ianto wouldn't push the button. "What are you waiting for? Call the cavalry," he teased.

Ianto tilted his head, then he tucked the mobile back into the pocket. "No. I want to hear your story first. And cut to the chase immediately."

The man smiled and leaned closer as to allow them some privacy in this public place. "In a hurry, are we? Fine." He became serious. "I'm looking for somebody. His name's Jack Harkness. You might not remember him-"

"I remember," Ianto said and swallowed. Jack Harkness. The prisoner down in the cells. "But I thought ..." He shook his head and turned away. "You're a hallucination."

"We already proved I'm not," the man answered.

Ianto stared down at the bar, trying to work through this.

"Look," the man said, "there are things that don't make sense to you right now, ain't that right?"

Ianto nodded numbly.

"I can shed some light."

"You haven't even told me your name."

"I shouldn't need to. You know me, Eye Candy." The man grinned. "I'm Captain John Hart. I'd say nice to meet you but we've already met."

Ianto frowned, the nickname 'Eye Candy' somehow ringing a bell, even though not in an entirely good way. "We haven't."

John laughed. "Oh yeah, we have. Everything was a bit different back then. Jack being you leader and such."

Ianto didn't raise his eyes from the bar. In the polished surface, John's face was a distorted mirror image. "Finlay has been our leader since I joined."

"No, he hasn't." John sighed. "Eye Candy, believe me. He hasn't."

Ianto swallowed, staring at John Hart with wide eyes. "I don't know you." But now, with the name in mind and the nickname said twice, the features were becoming more familiar.

John tilted his head. "You can say that all you want but I see that you don't believe yourself there, Eye Candy."

"Don't call me that." Ianto got up from the chair and left the bar. Everything was so confusing, too much, too fast. He tucked his hand back into his hoodie pocket, his fingers closing around the mobile. Rain blew into his face when he left the bar and he blindly headed across the street, down an alley that would lead him home.

John ran after him, sticking to his side. "You know it's true. There's an impersonator in your Hub and he's leading the team."

Ianto walked faster, his fingers tightening their grip. "Finlay's my best friend. He has been for a long time."

"Eye Candy … Ianto!" John grabbed his arm and whirled him around to face him.

And suddenly, a gun was pointing at Ianto's head.

He startled and stepped back, slamming into the wall behind him. John looked at him coldly. "Your friends are bleeding and dying." He grinned. "Going down? Yes, please." He stepped closer and whispered, "Run, Ianto Jones."

Ianto stared at him, breathing heavily. He felt dizzy and there was a noise, a high 'bing', like from an elevator that was closing its doors. He shook his head. "No." He stumbled, his knees not able to hold him up anymore and sunk to the ground. Images were hammering into his mind.

_John in the Hub's boardroom, John grinning at him while elevator doors closed, John looking up at the team in surprise and there … Jack Harkness. Grinning triumphantly, looking at John with a mixture of disgust and sadness. _

"_He's a reminder of my past. I want him gone."_

_Jack Harkness laughing, flirting, touching Ianto, kissing him … sleeping with him. Jack._

"What are you doing to me?" Ianto sobbed and cradled his head in his hands. It was painful and nauseating and … indescribable.

"I'm sorry," John said and tucked the gun away. "I tried a few key words to jog your memory. Apparently, it worked."

Ianto stared up at him. "It can't be a lie."

"You know that it is, Ianto." John crouched before him. "I came to see Jack, I saw something was wrong and that you were the only one struggling with what the imposter changed … so I ..."

"You picked me to stalk," Ianto whispered.

"I knocked you out to take a blood sample, sorry about that by the way, and didn't find a thing. So … no drugs. Probably some kind of psychic manipulation."

"Why couldn't we see you on the CCTV?" Ianto asked. John pulled his sleeve up and showed Ianto a leather wristband. _Vortex Manipulator_, his mind supplied and he touched it tentatively. It was frighteningly familiar against his fingertips.

John grinned. "Time Agent gear."

_Jack putting an arm around his waist, using the Vortex Manipulator to activate the invisible lift. "Let's go, then." _

Something occurred to him and he pressed a hand to his lips. "Oh God!"

_Jack cooking dinner in Ianto's flat, them watching the telly, having sex on the couch … _

Ianto thought he might get sick. "Samuel ..."

"Your lover?" John asked.

Ianto looked at him, swallowing the bile rising in his throat. "Is he real?"

"He's as real as you and I, but if you're asking if he's really your lover … he's probably just as trapped in this game as we are."

Ianto shook his head, not understanding. "Why?"

"Maybe to keep you quiet."

Ianto wiped his face and tried to pull himself together. It was hard, though. His life was falling apart at the seams and he didn't understand what was real and what wasn't … and even though everything in him screamed that he had no reason to trust this man who called himself John Hart, part of him seemed to be sure that he could. "It's about Jack Harkness."

"What?" John asked with a frown.

"I just know that all this is about him. Something he said-"

John's eyes widened. "You saw him?"

"Yes, in a dream. Which maybe wasn't a dream but a memory. I'm not sure … because … he's gone now, probably not in the Hub anymore. And they think I'm going crazy."

"Because you discovered the truth," John replied. "It makes sense to mark you as insane when the imposter can't keep you under control."

"I have all these memories. How can they be wrong?"

John sighed. "There's technology that allows you to do that or it might something biological. There are alien species who can tamper with your memories and feelings, feeding off fear. There's rumoured to be a bug that can make you think you're living a different life just by forcing you to make one simple decision. It feeds off the energy the alternate timeline evolving in your head gives off. Alright ..." He sighed. "We have to find Jack. If he's not in the Hub, where could he be?"

Ianto shook his head, leaning back against the wall. "I don't know."

"Ianto," John said firmly and took his arms. "You have to help me out now. I know it's hard."

"You have no idea how hard it is."

"I do," John replied earnestly. "Believe me, I saw it happen before. Someone who realized their life was a lie … I saw it happen. But you can beat this, you just have to trust me."

There were so many things speaking against the very notion of trusting this man but … it was the image of Jack Harkness in that cell that convinced Ianto, the sight of someone he didn't know and who seemed so close to his heart at the same time. He took a deep breath and made a decision. "Warehouses."

"What?"

"Torchwood owns warehouses all over the country. Maybe ..."

"You think he could be there."

"We need to go home to my flat. I can access the Torchwood system from there."

"Okay," John said, pulling Ianto along back towards his flat. "Let's do that."


	8. Chapter 8

**7.**

It was strange to take John into his flat with him. Ianto felt slightly guilty at the thought but also knew that there was no other way at the moment. It was a good thing that Samuel was away for the night or Ianto would have had to explain a lot. And he didn't feel like he was understanding everything himself.

"Nice place," John said, looking around the flat.

Ianto turned around to him and looked at him once more in the bright lights of his lounge. The longer he was with him, the more memories about him seeped back into his mind and even though those memories didn't exactly tell him that John was a guy he could trust with his life, they were reassuring enough to confirm that there was something very wrong with the Torchwood team and that John was the only one aware of it. John put his hands on his hips, pushing the edges of his leather jacket back, and Ianto saw a gun holster attached to his belt that held a futuristic looking weapon. John raised an eyebrow at him. "Like what you see?"

Ianto turned away and headed for his laptop, which was on the coffee table. "Samuel's out until tomorrow."

"Which is good for us, right?" John asked.

Ianto powered up the laptop. "Right." He startled slightly when John held a gun into his line of vision. It was smaller than John's and seemed to be of a more contemporary making. Ianto looked up at John, not taking the gun.

"You'll need it," John said. "This could all become very ugly."

Hesitantly, Ianto took the gun from John's hand. "Are you expecting me to shoot at my team?"

"I'm expecting you to defend yourself."

Ianto looked at the gun, running his fingers over the smooth, cold metal, then he put it on the table and logged into his user account. "This is where it gets complicated," he explained to John who was making himself comfortable on the armrest of the couch. "I'll have to access the Hub remotely via the internet without letting anyone know I'm there because they'll be able to see what files I accessed if they do."

John looked at him in amazement. "You know how to do that?"

"Yes."

"Not just a pretty face then."

"I hid a Cyberwoman in the basement of the Hub for a month without Jack noticing." Ianto didn't quite know why he felt the need to point that out, but as much as he felt he could trust John in this situation, he also felt strangely like they were competing over something. He noticed John looking at him strangely and asked, "What?"

John smiled crookedly. "You just said 'Jack'."

"I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

Ianto stared at John when he realized that he really had said 'Jack' instead 'Finlay'. "Is that a good sign?"

"I guess so. It means your memories haven't been erased. They were altered or temporarily overwritten. You'll be able to get them back."

Ianto turned his attention back to the screen and clicked himself through the Hub's systems until he'd opened the file with locations of Torchwood warehouses. "Here we go." While he checked the list, John leaned over his shoulder to have a closer look. Ianto cleared his throat. "Okay, officially, there's no paper trail suggesting one of the warehouses was used recently. Let me check something." In that moment, his screen flickered and an alert popped up in the corner of his screen. "They found me."

"What? I thought you said you could do it," John replied and got up from the couch.

Hastily, Ianto clicked through several folders before he found the program he needed. He opened a satellite map. "Well, yes, but someone hacked us a few days ago and Tosh strengthened our firewalls. Normally, a team member logging in wouldn't call for attention, but apparently she tightened the security. I'd guess we have about three minutes until she knows where I'm logging in from and another three until they're here. Since I'm officially on suspension, they will be forced to check on this."

"Well, then we better hurry up," John said.

"I'll be done in a minute," Ianto replied, looking through diagrams and lists quickly, comparing them to the satellite footage until he found what he was looking for. "The system monitors power usage in the warehouses and one of them has seen a bit of a raise in that just a few days ago – the night I found Harkness in the basement. It's minimal, tiny really, so no one was alerted to it, but there it is."

"Which warehouse?" John asked.

"It's just about one hour away from here."

"We're leaving immediately," John said and straightened. "I'll organize a car for us. We can't use yours, they would track it."

Ianto nodded in agreement, ignoring the part of him that didn't like John's suggestion to steal a car. They didn't have much choice at the moment. "I'll try to wipe records of what I logged into and be right behind you."

"Meet me in front of the Kebab place down the road," John said, leaving the flat.

Ianto nodded and made sure that no-one – not even Tosh, hopefully – would be able to figure out what exactly he'd looked at. It would only lead them on his trail. Then he switched off the laptop and hid it underneath the dirty laundry in the hamper. They could think he'd taken it with him for all he cared as long as they wouldn't get their hands on it and see what he saw.

The sound of tires squealing made him startle and he stepped to the nearest window. There was no one to see down on the road, but a new car had joined those standing in front of his block of flats – a black SUV.

"Shit," he muttered and grabbed the gun from the table. He hurried towards the door, switching off the lights as he went, and opened it. Soft steps were already to be heard in the stairway and Ianto reared back, melting into the shadows of his flat and leaving the door open. Somebody paused in front of it and then stepped inside. It was a man, barely more than a dark shadow against the white wall and then, all of a sudden, he turned around and reached out, grabbing Ianto's shoulder.

The sound of the gun going off was almost deafening and then a body hit the floor … silence. Ianto panted and dropped the gun from his trembling hands. He hadn't intended to shoot, it had just happened. Owen or Finlay ... one of them had to be lying on the floor, dead or badly hurt. Ianto reached for the light switch and flooded the flat with light … and then he cried out and fell to his knees next to Samuel. There was blood pooling underneath Samuel's head and his eyes stared at the ceiling – he was dead. Ianto carefully touched the wound in Samuel's forehead and sobbed, cradling Samuel's head with both hands. "No, no, no …," he whispered. "I'm sorry."

But Samuel didn't react.

Ianto reared back and slammed against the wall behind him. He stared at the body for another few seconds before he became aware of hurried steps coming up the stairs and the sound of a gun being cocked. Now Torchwood was coming! And they'd find that Ianto had murdered his boyfriend. He really was crazy, wasn't he?

Ianto didn't think, didn't plan, he just reacted to a flight instinct, to his subconscious telling him that the safest place right now would be with John. He stumbled to his feet and grabbed the gun, tucking it into the waistband of his jeans while he ran to the kitchen window, sliding it open and jumping on the low roof of the building next to his. There was a tree he could reach from that roof and he used it to get to the ground. He waited for a few seconds, but heard no-one following him, so he ran, tears already running down his cheeks.

John was already waiting at the Kebab place in a car that must have seen better days, but seemed alright. When Ianto dropped into the passenger seat, John turned to look at him and his eyes widened. "Ianto, what the hell happened?"

Ianto raised his hands and just now realized that there was blood on them. The rear-view mirror revealed bloody smudges down his cheeks from where he'd tried to dry his tears while running. He looked like a killer.

_He was a killer._

A sob broke loose before he could stop it. "I thought he was them. I killed him." John stared at him but before he could say something in return, Ianto repeated, "I killed Samuel. And then they were coming. If I'd just looked a little closer …"

John started the car. "I'll get us out of here," he muttered. "Don't worry. It's gonna be alright."

Ianto didn't think that anything would ever be alright again. Samuel had been a pawn in the whole game, sure, but an innocent one, just as manipulated as everyone else.

And Ianto had killed him.


	9. Chapter 9

**8.**

When Gwen arrived at Ianto's flat, following Finlay's call, Tosh was already there. She was sitting in the back of the SUV and typing furiously on the computers that were installed in the car. She looked drawn and worried. Gwen couldn't see Finlay anywhere, so she joined Tosh and asked, "What's going on?"

Tosh looked at her sadly. "It's Ianto."

Gwen had already thought as much. She looked at the house. It was already late, so most windows were dark, just one flat was lightened. She assumed that it was Ianto's. "Did something happen to him?"

"I'd like to know that as well," Owen said, joining them with his hands in his jeans pockets and the shoulders pulled up against the cold of the night. "What did he do now?"

Tosh sighed and slowly said, "My security systems alerted me to a hacker in our database and it turned out to be Ianto." She focused on her computer again and bit her lip. Gwen got indistinct feeling that Tosh didn't want to go on, didn't know how to say what she had to say.

Gwen couldn't believe it. "Ianto?" She shook her head. "Or someone using Ianto's password and computer to log into our system, right?"

"No," Tosh shook her head. "It was Ianto." She looked past them towards the house and when Gwen noticed her relieved expression, she turned around. Finlay was hurrying towards them and Gwen assumed that Tosh was relieved not to have to explain what exactly had happened. That worried her even more.

Finlay stopped next to them and glanced back towards the house before he said, "I sealed Ianto's flat. The neighbours don't seem to have heard anything. The police weren't alerted, right?"

Tosh shook her head. "No."

"We'll have to go in and clean up when everything's resolved."

Owen frowned. "What's going on here?"

Finlay looked at him and Gwen earnestly. "Ianto shot Samuel."

Gwen stared at him, needing a moment to understand what he'd said, but then, she shook her head. "Impossible. He wouldn't do that."

Owen didn't look as convinced, but still sceptical. "How do we know that?"

"Well, Samuel's corpse is up there with a hole in his head and we've got Ianto on CCTV." He nodded at Tosh and Gwen leaned closer to look at the computer screen. Tosh pulled up the CCTV footage of a street that Gwen recognized as Ianto's, a bit further down towards Roald Dahl Plass. Ianto was crossing the road and got into a car. Tosh paused the footage and zoomed in on the gun tucked into the waistband of Ianto's jeans and then his bloody hands.

Gwen whispered, "Oh my God."

Owen narrowed his eyes. "He's lost it."

"Seems that way," Finlay answered, "but he's probably not to blame." He nodded at the screen and Gwen saw the car drive away.

She frowned in confusion. "Ianto got in on the passenger side. Someone's driving that car."

"He's not alone."

"The bloke he said kept following him."

"Looks like he was real after all. We've got him on tape as well."

Tosh showed them footage of a man breaking into the car he and Ianto had used to get away. His face wasn't clear to see, the footage wasn't very good and it was night, but he existed – there was no doubt anymore.

Finlay nodded as if confirming Gwen's thoughts. "It's possible that he's using Ianto to get into Torchwood by manipulating him."

Gwen leaned against the SUV and brushed a hand through her hair. It was unbelievable that just this afternoon, her biggest concern had been the question when to go get her hair cut. "So, what do we do?"

They were all quiet for a moment, then Owen asked, "Do we have any clue where he went?"

"We're in luck," Finlay answered. "Ianto tried to hide his trail in our database but Tosh was able to dig it out. He's on his way to our warehouse at the Upper Neuadd Reservoir in the Brecon Beacons."

"Seriously?" Owen asked. "What does he want there?"

"I have no idea," Finlay answered. "Let's find out."

xxx

"_Hey, Ianto. Listen, I just feel bad about leaving you alone all night, so I'm going to drive back in a little while. Don't call me and try to stop me, alright? I'll be careful, yeah? I love you and I'm looking forward to seeing you."_

Ianto stared out the window into the night, green fields and rocks passing them by as shadows against the dark-blue sky and the bright stars. Ianto pressed the mobile closer to his ear. "I missed his call," he whispered. "I should've checked. I would have been prepared for it to be him."

"You still have your mobile?" John snapped. "They're able to trace that. We have to get rid of it."

"I need it."

"Throw it out the window. Right now."

"No." Ianto started the message again but before Samuel could say anything, he suddenly felt violently sick. "Stop!" he said loudly.

The mobile clattered to the floor when John reacted by braking suddenly, swerving the car towards the side of the street. "What? What is it?" he asked, startled.

"I have to …" He gasped and opened the car door, falling out of the car and getting sick in the grass next to the lonely street leading into the Brecon Beacons.

xxx

"I found a bottle of water in the trunk," John said and pushed it into Ianto's hand, closing his fingers around it. "Take a few sips."

Ianto looked at him gratefully and obeyed, suppressing another wave of nausea. John crouched next to the passenger side of the car and put a hand on Ianto's knee. Ianto sank sideways, leaning one shoulder against the backrest of the passenger seat.

"Feeling any better?" John asked. The soft light of the car's cabin were softening his features. He was attractive, Ianto had to admit. And friendly. Impatience was easy to see in his eyes, the wish to just drive on and reach the reservoir, but he took his time because Ianto needed it and that meant something in Ianto's books. Somehow he knew that John Hart usually wasn't a man to be considerate.

He gave a small smile. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"Good, because we have to leave. We can't be sure they're not behind us."

"I know a shortcut."

John nodded. "Good."

Ianto closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"It's alright."

Somehow, these words made Ianto angry again because it obviously wasn't alright. Far from it. "It's not!" he snapped. "How can you say that? I shot my boyfriend!"

"He wasn't your boyfriend," John said calmly and squeezed Ianto's knee. Feeling too weak to pull away, Ianto settled for glaring at him, but John wasn't impressed. "He was a pawn in a game that you're about to win and you probably knew him for less than a week."

"I knew him for over a year. He was there for me when I felt like nobody would and he loved me."

John rubbed his forehead and sighed deeply. "That's not true. Ianto … last time I was here was just over four months ago and Samuel didn't exist to you back then. It was all about Jack."

Ianto looked away, out towards the dark fields stretching around them. He didn't want to hear this, didn't want his life to fall apart like this, and yet … he knew that pretty much everything about his life was wrong. He'd regained some memories, flashes mostly that didn't make much sense, but they were still warring with what he'd thought was real until a few hours ago. "How can it feel so real then?"

"Because whoever Finlay really is, he is using your feelings for Jack to get to you by giving you someone to project those feelings on. Because it will keep you in line. Changing a person's memory is one thing but taking away an integral part of their life – like a lover – is another. Emotions remain, no matter what you do to a person's memory. Finlay must have been afraid that you would remember Jack because of your feelings for him, so he gave you someone to love. Someone to explain why you would feel that way."

That made sense, somehow. Ianto rubbed his eyes tiredly and realized that his hands were still bloody. He stared down at them. "It still feels real. Like I shot my lover."

"I know," John whispered. He took the water bottle from Ianto and opened the glove compartment, rummaging around and finding a rag that the owner probably used to clean the car's cabin. He poured some water over it and handed it to Ianto to clean his hands.

It was good to get rid of the blood, the visible proof that he'd killed someone but it didn't rid Ianto of the image of Samuel lying on the floor, dead. He looked at John pleadingly. "Please tell me this is real."

John looked at him questioningly.

Ianto rubbed the rag over his hands until John took it away. Ianto closed his eyes. "Please tell me that I'm not deluded and shot Samuel for nothing. Tell me it's real."

When he opened his eyes again, John was looking at Ianto earnestly. "It's very real. All of this … it's very, very real and we'll go now to get Jack out and I promise, being with him will help you remember." He used the rag to wipe Ianto's cheeks and the skin around his eyes, making sure that there were no smudges of blood remaining.

Ianto swallowed. "And if it doesn't?"

"Let's cross that bridge if we come to it." John nodded at him and then threw the rag to the ground carelessly. He handed Ianto the bottle again and walked around the car to the driver's seat. Ianto closed the passenger door and leaned back in his seat tiredly. He turned his head when John started the car. John looked at him and smiled encouragingly. "Jack will remember and you will as well. You just need to spend a bit of time with each other and refresh those memories."

Ianto hoped that was true.

xxx

The Upper Neuadd Reservoir was connected to the regular streets in the Brecon Beacons only by a dirt road. It looked a bit like a natural lake, surrounded by trees and rocky fields. They had to pass by the reservoir to reach the warehouse, which was protected by a small forest. From the outside, it looked old and run-down, but it was secured with a code and Ianto knew that the other safety measures were just as hard to overcome. Luckily, he'd memorized the code from the file and Ianto entered the sixteen-digit number to open the door. John crowded in just behind him and slammed the door closed, locking out the night.

Lazily, the lights inside flickered to life. A long corridor stretched out before them, several rooms branching off off it. The air was thick with dust as if nobody had come here for decades. Ianto was carrying a set of torches they'd found in the car's trunk and handed one to John, switching his own on for good measure. He didn't quite trust the still flickering bulbs. John followed suit and looked around with obvious disdain. He peeked into one of the rooms, flashing a grimace in Ianto's direction at the sight of empty, cobwebbed shelves. "This is it?"

Ianto nodded. "It's functional," he answered. "Its purpose was the storage of alien artefacts but this warehouse has been empty for quite some time."

John raised an eyebrow. "Well, except for a prisoner."

"Probably." Ianto didn't know why he still doubted that that was true, but he couldn't help it.

John started walking down the corridor and paused, turning back to Ianto who was hovering at the door. "Alright?"

Ianto sighed deeply and pulled himself out of his stupor. "Alright." He took a step, then paused again. "It's just … my life will change completely now, will it?"

"It already did," John answered and came back towards him. He put a hand on Ianto's shoulder. "Your life changed completely already. It did the minute that imposter walked into the Hub. Now we need Jack. Focus on that and trust me when I say that it'll be okay."

Ianto stared at him. "I never asked: Why are you helping me?"

John grinned but it was fleeting. "I owe Jack. I realized it too late." He shrugged. "Just wanna tell him. Make it up to him." He turned away and Ianto realized that the topic was uncomfortable for him.

He accepted that and nodded, following John down the corridor. "The small fluctuation in power came from storage unit 23."

John stopped in front of a door which in bold black letters read 23. "Found it."

Ianto entered the code and put his hand on the doorknob. He hesitated, just for a second, then he pushed the door open. The power fluctuation apparently was caused by a small lamp that was standing in the corner of the room. Ianto noticed a campbed and a suitcase filled with books and clothes before his eyes landed on Jack Harkness, stretched out on the bed and reading. He looked up at Ianto and John in surprise, his blue eyes widening in recognition when they alighted on John. Something inside Ianto came loose. Some kind of emotional dam burst and a relieved sound escaped him.

Harkness sat up. "Of all the people I could have expected to come through the door, you were the last."

He didn't even seem to notice Ianto, but that didn't matter, because Ianto was too overwhelmed to speak anyway. The deep grief he'd felt for Samuel lifted, somehow, as if killing him had just been a nightmare. He still felt sad for having done it, sure, but he wasn't devastated anymore. He just knew instinctively that he hadn't killed a loved one because while the love he'd felt for Samuel had been wonderful and deep, something had been off. And looking at Harkness – at Jack – it just clicked into place.

John grinned. "Hello, gorgeous."

"That's Captain Jack Harkness to you."

"Well, I go by John Hart now. I'm a Captain as well."

"In your dreams."

"Darling, I'm not the one locked into a warehouse," John answered. "I gotta say you got yourself into quite a deep problem."

Jack stared at him. "How did you know I was on Earth?"

"Do we have to do this now?" John asked. "Trust me, Jack, when I tell you that somebody played with your mind and the life you live right now is not true."

"It's not?" Jack asked. "Feels like it, though. I've been a Torchwood prisoner for more than a hundred years."

"You've been a _member_ of Torchwood for over a hundred years, Jack. You've been the leader even the last time I was here. An imposter took all that away from you."

Jack crossed his arms and Ianto felt a flash of something – familiarity. "I know you," he whispered.

Jack looked at him. "Pardon?"

Ianto shook his head. "I think I know you."

Jack frowned and then nodded. "We met. Briefly, but we did."

"No, I don't mean … when I found you in the Hub. I _know_ you." He stared at the way the braces stretched over Jack's broad chest and the way he frowned – dark eyebrows pulled close together. He looked like a thunderstorm and he was just as beautiful – and probably as dangerous. Ianto swallowed. "Don't you remember me?"

Jack stared at him. "Other than you barging in on me in the base and leaving just as quickly? No. I don't remember you."

"Not real memories, just … flashes," Ianto answered. "Like … feelings." Jack stepped closer. Ianto tilted his head and dared a smile. "Don't you feel something when you look at me?"

Jack's frown got even deeper and he took another step closer as if he wanted to make sure.

Ianto smiled. "'Cause I do. I think I love you."

Jack snorted. "That's ridiculous."

"Jack," John interrupted, "if you don't believe him then believe me. You might not always trust me and may even be right about it, but you also know that I always only wanted the best for you. And you can't have that sitting here like prisoner of Torchwood when in reality, you are the centre of the universe for that team. And somebody took it away from you." He stepped closer. "And somebody took Ianto away from you. Look at him."

Jack hesitantly complied. Ianto swallowed and quietly stared back. He was sure now that he loved this man. And if he was crazy or hallucinating, then it didn't matter. He would gladly stay in that condition if it meant he could continue feeling like this … feeling at home.

"You forgave me," Jack suddenly said.

Ianto shook his head, didn't understand. John sighed impatiently and grabbed Ianto, pressing a firm kiss to his lips. Before Ianto could understand what was going and step back, Jack had grabbed John and pushed him away. "What do you think you're doing?" he asked angrily … and paused.

"That's it," John said, satisfied. "You're starting to come around. Now, I hate to break this party up but my manipulator has detected the tracker I left on your SUV and it's headed our way."

Ianto swallowed and looked at Jack, who was still staring at him in confusion, but with increasing recognition. Ianto said, "They're coming to get us."

Jack grabbed a coat from his bed – vintage military, blue and so, so familiar – and put it on. "Well, everything's better than sitting around here. The room service is crappy."


	10. Chapter 10

**9.**

They were on the way back to the car, intending to drive back to Cardiff and get into the Hub, when they saw that the Torchwood team had already arrived. Hiding behind some trees in the nightly shadows of the woods, they watched the team examine the car and discuss their next step quietly, readying their guns. Ianto swallowed and tightened the grip around his flashlight. He wondered if he should prepare the gun John had given him but wasn't quite sure if he could. The last thing he wanted was to shoot anyone again. Tosh, Gwen and Owen were family, as much as his mind protested the thought. The feeling of loneliness he got when thinking of them was overwhelming, but slowly faded away whenever he remembered an actual memory of a night at the pub or meals in the boardroom. Companionable friendship began to replace isolation. Ianto didn't want them to get hurt.

"Damn," John whispered, watching Finlay fiddling with something in his hands and then pointing it at their car. "I think they just took out the car."

Jack looked around the rocky landscape of the Brecon Beacons, only illuminated by the full moon. "We need a plan."

Ianto grimaced. They were far from any kind of civilization. By car, they'd have managed to get back to Cardiff practically in no time, but on foot ...

"We could just escape, leave Earth," John said, holding up his hand with the Vortex Manipulator strapped around the wrist.

Ianto shook his head decisively. "We can't. He's got Tosh, Gwen and Owen." He looked at Jack, looking for a sign of recognition when he said those names, but he saw none. Jack's face remained grim, shadows cutting a frown on his forehead.

"We need to get back to the Hub. All that alien technology at your disposal must be good for something," John said.

"Couldn't we use the Vortex Manipulator?" Ianto asked.

John shook his head. "They might be able to trace it. Especially if they've got Jack's."

"We can't take the SUV," Ianto replied. "We have no idea where they parked it. We don't have a mobile to call anyone. It's the middle of the night and this is a national park, so chances are slim that anyone will drive by who would even take us with them, provided we reach the road. We can't walk along the streets, the team might find us. Only chance is to walk over the cliffs and rocks around here and that's too dangerous in the dark."

The team left the car and headed towards the warehouse, vanishing in the trees.

"To make this clear," John said, "we're sitting ducks until we have a real plan."

Jack grinned at him. "We've got out of worse situations."

"We did, didn't we?"

"Fortunately, I know a place we could go until we know what to do. It's not far from here."

Ianto and John stared at him. Ianto asked, "Really?"

Jack shrugged. "Don't ask me how I know. I just do."

John nodded. "Memories must be coming back." He grinned at them. "You two should have sex. Maybe that'll spur some more memories."

Somehow, the thought made Ianto's chest tighten painfully. As familiar as Jack was by now, as safe as he felt with him, there were still too many memories of Samuel lodged in his mind and all those of Jack were just images and flashes filled with emotions. Plus, Jack didn't remember him as well as Ianto remembered Jack and … even though the flashes of his relationship with Jack were domestic at times, he ever so slowly realized that something was off. He looked away when Jack's gaze landed on him, not daring to meet his eyes. "I don't think so," he said. "It would feel wrong. I barely know him."

"But you've got feelings for him," John replied.

Ianto shrugged. "I just …" He shook his head.

Jack cleared his throat. "As I said, I know where to go. Let's leave."

Ianto felt a hand close around his, fingers entwining, and he looked at Jack, startled. In the weak light of the moon, he saw Jack stare at him. There was a slight smile on his face. It was strangely hesitant and almost nervous. Ianto felt his heart flutter and quickly looked away, pulling his hand free. Yes, he loved this man. Still … something wasn't quite right. If he only knew what it was ...

xxx

Ianto looked around and crossed his arms. He really hadn't thought of this place, hadn't considered how close it was – roughly a fifteen minute walk from the reservoir – and for a moment, it seemed almost ironic that Jack would know about it. Ianto was usually the kind of guy to remember things. He had a photographic memory, something that wasn't always a good thing. Like right now. He could still see the bodies wrapped in plastic hanging from the ceiling, smell the stench of blood and death … he closed his eyes quickly, shutting out the images he'd needed weeks to get over back then, and took a deep, calming breath.

A floorboard creaked and his eyes shot open, startled.

In the lights of their torches, John frowned at him. "You alright?"

Ianto looked around the big kitchen of the abandoned house, reminding himself that the cannibals were gone, as was every trace of their existence, and took a deep breath. He wished they weren't here, in this empty village in the middle of the Welsh wilderness. A hand landed on his shoulder and he reacted by instinct, pushing John away. "Don't."

John raised his hands. "Sorry."

"Just … don't touch me, alright?" Ianto asked. "Leave me alone." He crossed his arms and backed himself into a corner of the room. From here, he could see the hole in the wall that the tractor had caused. Finlay had been driving, trying and succeeding in saving his team. Ianto blinked when the memory wavered and instead of Finlay, Jack jumped out of the tractor. Ianto didn't remember much from that night – he'd been too scared, too panicked – but he remembered shots and screams and Gwen's arms around him … and then, sometime later …

"I kissed you."

Ianto startled and looked at Jack who was hovering next to him. He was strangely pale and seemed a bit shaky. His voice was so soft that Ianto could barely hear him. Probably because Jack didn't want John to listen in while he was inspecting the rotting wooden furniture.

"Didn't I? I just had the strangest memory … of me kissing you."

Ianto now remembered as well, clear as day: It had been a gentle kiss, a hidden moment of relief and regret, huddled together on the dirty floor, while Owen was checking on Tosh and Gwen was making sure the police got the information they needed.

Jack's blue eyes were earnest and sad. He reached out hand, brushed his forefinger over Ianto's cheek and pulled it away again, almost startled. "We've been here before."

"Yes," Ianto replied.

"Cannibals."

"I don't understand," Ianto whispered. "Why would somebody do this to us? What do they get from making us forget?"

John's loud voice intruded, giving the obvious answer. "To gain control over Torchwood. Sometimes, it is as easy as that."

"And it's Finlay," Ianto said firmly. "I'm sure now. In my memories, he substituted Jack with himself."

"Except in your private life. But then Samuel came along and filled that role."

Jack frowned. "Who's Samuel?"

"Ianto's boyfriend. He shot him."

"By accident!" Ianto snapped and he felt tears gather in his eyes. "I didn't mean to ..." Jack pulled him closer as if wanting to embrace him comfortingly but Ianto stepped back. "Don't." He turned away and walked to a window, looking up at the dark sky. "It's too much right now. Finlay feels so … real as a leader and a friend to me, I just can't ..."

"You don't know if you can trust us?"

"Yes, I can. I know I can. I just …" He shook his head.

John seemed to understand that Ianto needed a moment to himself and turned to Jack. "What do you remember?"  
Jack crossed his arms. "I was a prisoner of Torchwood the moment they caught me in 1899. They kept me as a lab rat until their interest waned. Now, I'm just a prisoner to be on the safe side."

"It would make sense that he would take you out. He becomes the leader that way."

"I know Finlay," Jack explained. "He was my warden. But he was always good to me. Gave me more than enough food. Every once in a while, he would let me out at night, walk the bay with me. The director before him used to do that as well. Finaly's one of the good ones."

John snorted. "And yet, you used the chance to escape just now."

"Just because a prison is comfortable doesn't mean I enjoy being there."

John looked at Ianto again. "He brainwashed all of you. And he did it properly."

"Not necessarily," Ianto replied. "I mean, yes, he did, but I encountered enough aliens who were just doing what they did to survive and maybe we should ask questions first and shoot later."

"Well, we'd still need to get into the Hub for that," John said.

"There are cars passing through this area in the mornings. We could hitchhike," Ianto suggested. "Plus, there's a bus starting in Brecon at half five and it'll pass us by on the road down the hill at about half six. We could stop that and get on."

John made an impressed face. "How do you know that?"

"I work in a tourist office and I've got a photographic memory."

John raised his eyebrows. "Is it weird that the thought turns me on?"

"What doesn't?" Jack replied with a smirk.

John chuckled. "So … we spend the rest of the night here?"

Ianto wasn't very fond of the idea but they didn't have any other choice really. It was just a few hours. So he shrugged and Jack nodded. "Looks like it."

"Great," John sighed. "Anybody up for a threesome?"

xxx

Ianto shivered in the cold night air and pulled his jacket tighter around his body. He'd decided to leave the house under the pretense of keeping an eye out in case the team found them. In truth, he was unable to stay in that kitchen any longer. Not even John's suggestion to move to another house had helped since the memories would be the same no matter where they went. This whole village was a maelstrom of bad memories and panic. Plus, he had to get away from Jack for a little while. His real memories kept surfacing, substituting Finlay and Samuel with Jack: It had been Jack who had told Ianto to execute Lisa, it had been Jack who'd offered rough sex to overcome the trauma of the cannibals, it had been Jack who'd watched the telly with him and laughed about silly jokes in sitcoms, it had been Jack who'd stopped Abaddon – not by almost sacrificing himself as Ianto had thought, but by actually dying. And then Jack had left them (Finlay had stayed) and come back and offered dates and romantic gestures. There was so much Ianto started to remember: Jack staying with him, cooking in his kitchen, making him laugh and blush and tingle all over and … Ianto loved him. He was pretty sure that the only other person he'd ever loved so much had been Lisa. But Jack was different, in so many ways.

"Alright?" somebody asked and Ianto turned around.

And there he stood, Jack Harkness, looking slightly defeated in the coat that usually made him look like a dashing hero. He held a hand over the light of his torch to avoid giving them away to the team – just in case. Ianto had come out here without a flashlight, looking for loneliness and darkness to think.

He gave a hesitant smile. "I'm okay."

"Really? You don't look it."

"You don't look it, either."

"Well, I'm not okay," Jack replied with a shrug and then a crooked grin bloomed on his face, becoming bigger quickly. "I'm starting to remember you. I mean, really remember you."

Ianto couldn't help but chuckle. "With that look on your face, I guess you mean sex."

"Oh yeah … lots of it."

"Pretty avant-garde."

"So you remember as well?"

Ianto blushed and turned away, looking over the rocky landscape that was barely illuminated by the moon.

"What I don't remember, though," Jack continued, "is how the imposter got to us."

"Well, he'll have buried those memories deeply. It'll probably be the last we'll remember."

"Probably." Jack stepped closer. Ianto still didn't look at him directly but he saw him from the corner of his eye. The dimmed light threw shadows across his face, hollowing out his sad eyes and tired frown. "So, you had a boyfriend."

Ianto swallowed and ducked his head. "I don't want to talk about him."

"You love him."

"No," Ianto replied, "I love _you_." He met Jack's eyes. "But he means something to me. I can't help thinking that he was just as trapped as we were and I ended his life. The last thing he ever experienced was the man he was convinced he loved pointing a gun at him and pulling the trigger."

Jack didn't say anything. Ianto knew that wasn't because he didn't know what to say. He knew it was just like Jack to stay silent when there was nothing to say, no words to make it better.

Finally, though, Jack's voice intruded into the silence again. "You never said it before."

"What?" Ianto asked, looking at him.

"That you love me. You never told me."

Ianto thought about that. "Not that I remember, no," he finally replied. "Does it bother you?"

"No." Jack put his hand on Ianto's cheek, his thumb brushing the skin under his eye. "I just wish you didn't. It's a dangerous thing – loving me."

"It would be a waste not to," Ianto replied earnestly, taking care to meet Jack's eyes head-on. Jack grimaced as if in pain, then his face smoothed out and he leaned forward to kiss him. It wasn't more than a brush of their lips but it caused a few more pieces of the puzzle that was their lives to fall into place.

xxx

It wasn't headlights that tipped them off or the sound of an engine. If it hadn't been so utterly silent, they wouldn't have heard the team approaching at all. As it was, they noticed them because someone accidentally kicked some rocks lose on the hills that rose behind the abandoned village. By that time, the team was already awfully close.

Running over the uneven, rocky ground of the Brecon Beacons in the middle of the night was the last thing Ianto had ever wanted to do, even with a flashlight. He stumbled several times, barely catching himself, and Jack and John didn't fare any better. By mutual, silent consent, they didn't use their guns on the team. Ianto was worried they might hit someone fatally as dark as it was and that that someone wouldn't be Finlay. He was relieved John seemed to be worried about the same thing and luckily, the team seemed to have the same qualms about using their guns.

Nevertheless, Ianto knew it was possible that they 'd catch them. Maybe they even had set some kind of trap and were chasing them right into it. Staying together was risky and John seemed to think the same. "We split up," he panted. "Meet at Bar Reunion tomorrow at noon."

With that, he was gone.

Ianto grasped Jack's arm when he tried to part with him. "You know Bar Reunion?"

"Oh, yes," Jack panted, "I remember."

They parted ways, Ianto hoping that Jack would be okay without a flashlight.

Ianto tried to run faster, stumbled and fell but immediately got to his feet and ran on. His breaths were loud in the quiet of the Brecons and the only other sound his footsteps and those of at least one person following him.

"Ianto!" Finlay called behind him and somehow, he'd expected that Finlay would pick him to follow.

He ran until, suddenly, the light of his torch caught the edge of a cliff. He cried out in surprise, skidded over rocks, trying to stop but his momentum was too strong. He slipped, the flashlight falling from his hand when he was pulled over the edge by his own weight.

"Ianto, hold on!" Finlay screamed. And Ianto tried, he really did. But his hands missed the cliff's edge, his palms scraping against the rough stone and then he was falling.

And then pain lanced through his body.

And then everything went black.


	11. Chapter 11

**10.**

Jack stumbled and got to his feet again. He realized that running around the Brecon Beacons in the dark with a flashlight was hard. Without one, it was suicidal. His palms were bleeding and he thought that his trousers might be ripped at the knees, with the skin underneath scraped badly. But he couldn't stop because no matter how strangely his life had changed in the course of just a few hours, he felt that he was doing the right thing by running away now and his gut instinct never let him down.

He heard fast footsteps behind him and then Owen – how did he even know his name? – cursed, having tripped himself. A bullet went right past him, close enough for Jack to think that it might have left a burn on the side of his head. So much for Torchwood holding back with their guns. Or maybe that had been just for Ianto and now that they'd split up, Torchwood couldn't care less if he survived.

"I'll stop running in ten seconds and then I'll shoot you!" Owen called. "Last chance!"

And there it was: A memory of Owen staring at Jack in disblief, dust smeared across his face and a gun in his hand, and a dead Weevil just a few steps away. And with that memory came more and Jack remembered Owen Harper. And he had an idea. It was slightly crazy and desperate but it was something. A bullet to the head was something his body could recover quickly from. Quick enough. So he didn't need to run, didn't need to be careful.

He stopped and turned around to Owen. "There was a Weevil."

Owen looked at him, panting wildly, his gun leveled at Jack. He frowned and didn't seem to be able to decide whether to watch Jack or look around for a potential new threat. "Out here?"

"No. Back then, when you discovered what I'm capable of." He stepped closer to Owen.

Owen's dark eyes narrowed. "What the hell are you talking about? I've never seen you before, mate."

"It was broad daylight, in an abandoned warehouse and we were looking for that Weevil when it jumped us from a corner. I pushed you away and it latched onto me." He stared at Owen calmly. "It killed me."

He saw Owen's gun waver and he blinked, shaking his head. "I don't know you," he whispered.

"That's what he wants you to think. And I thought I didn't know all of you until about three hours ago, but then the memories I have of you started to come back."

"So you died," Owen answered, making a point of sounding indifferent and failing. "Why are you still here then? Why can't I remember you?"

Jack reached out a hand. "Give me your gun."

Owen laughed. "Yeah, sure!"

"I'm serious."

"Me, too."

Jack smiled and then let his eyes flicker to a point just over Owen's right shoulder, giving the slightest of nods. Owen saw and whirled around, his gun pointed at nothing. Jack grabbed him, wrapping an arm around Owen's throat and grabbing the hand with the gun. "You always fell for that trick." He took the gun from Owen and pushed him away. Owen stumbled and fell to the ground. Quickly, he turned around to Jack and cursed when Jack pointed the gun at him. Jack smiled. "I want you to watch this."

Then he pointed the gun at his own head and shot.

xxx

John saw it happen when he looked back to see how close Tosh and Gwen were on his heels and he stopped in shock, as did Gwen and Tosh when they heard Finlay shout Ianto's name. John saw Ianto running towards the cliff and almost called out to him in warning.

But then he noticed Ianto trying to stop himself.

And he saw Finlay throwing himself forward and grabbing for Ianto's hands.

And then Ianto was gone and Finlay screamed.

John switched off his torch and ducked behind a rock, flattening himself to the ground while Tosh and Gwen were still distracted. By the time Finlay started calling for help, though, Gwen and Tosh weren't interested in following him any longer. They ran back towards the cliff.

John watched them hurry around the edge of the cliff and stumble down the rocky surface, tripping several times. His heart was beating a rapid staccato and he was breathing hard. He couldn't believe this had happened. As soon as he thought Gwen, Tosh and Finlay had gained enough distance, he followed them carefully. He had to know what had happened to Ianto.

He approached the cliff and made his way down the side carefully, trying not to kick any rocks lose and tip the team off to where he was. He paused when he was within hearing distance and waited. The three were too preoccupied by Ianto, Gwen and Tosh using their flashlights to light the scene while Finlay frantically muttered to himself, searching for a pulse. Ianto was lying in the grass, utterly still. John couldn't see much but Ianto's leg was definitely broken and he thought he could see blood pooling under his head.

"He just fell," Finlay said as if answering an unasked question. "He just … he ran off the cliff." He stilled and for one awful moment, John thought that Ianto was dead but then Finlay said, "He's alive."

Tosh kneeled down next to Ianto and started running her hands over his body. "He ran off the cliff?" she echoed in disbelief.

"It's dark," Finlay answered. "It was an accident."

"I'll call an ambulance," Gwen said, fumbling for her mobile while trying to keep the torch on Ianto. She looked at the display and cursed softly. "I can't get a signal." She looked upwards. "I'm going to try to get one a little higher."

Finlay and Tosh nodded, Finlay keeping his fingers on Ianto's pulse point while Tosh was momentarily distracted by the blood smeared on her hands. Gwen ran back the way she'd come from, right past John. His eyes followed her when an idea started to form in his head.

Tosh pulled off her jacket and then the sweater she wore underneath. She bunched it up and laid Ianto's head on it to stop the bleeding. "Did you call Owen?" she asked Finlay and there was a tremor in her voice. John didn't know if it was from the cold because she was just wearing a t-shirt now or because she was scared for Ianto.

"I …" Finlay seemed shaken, but John wasn't sure if he believed him. "I didn't think."

"It's alright."

John got up and started to follow Gwen while he heard Tosh on the comms. "Owen, we need you here, just south of the village. Ianto fell down a cliff and he's badly hurt. Gwen is calling an ambulance."

Her voice got lost in the night, instead, John heard Gwen on her mobile.

"… Brecon Beacons. There's a black SUV standing on the side of the road. If you turn east when reaching it, you should find us about one mile off the road near an abandoned village." She rang off and paused, seeming to catch her breath.

John used the opportunity to sneak closer, pulling his gun. He heard her choke on a sob and she wiped her eyes before taking a few deep breaths. While she was still trying to get herself under control, he put his arm around her throat and pushed his gun into her side. "You chased him off that cliff."

She breathed in sharply. "Who are you?"

He took her gun from her unresisting hand and whispered, "You can call me Vera." He felt her stiffen. "Up for a snog? I promise it'll leave you paralysed." He waited for a minute, then he asked, "Remember me yet?"

"John Hart but … how do I know you?"

"A mutual friend named Jack Harkness. Handsome, blue eyes, blue coat, sexy braces …" He felt Gwen sag in his grasp and let go of her, pointing his gun at her while she fell to her knees and grabbed her head. "Typical, people always remember Jack. Kind of unforgettable, right? Well, almost."

"What kind of a sick game is this?!" Gwen asked loudly.

John put a finger on his lips, shushing her. "You should ask Finlay that. He's the one who made you forget."

"Why would he make me forget anything? He's our leader."

"He's not. Look, I went through all this with Eye Candy and then Jack and it's getting boring." He grabbed her arm and pulled her up. "So, let's just do this the easy way and ask Finlay."

xxx

"_Owen, we need you here, just south of the village. Ianto fell down a cliff and he's badly hurt. Gwen's calling an ambulance." _

Owen's trembling fingers found the comm link. "On my way." He stared at the dead body lying in the grass and swallowed, then he pulled himself together. He reached for his gun and picked it up, tucking it into the waistband of his jeans while turning away.

Suddenly, his ankle was grabbed and he was pulled back. Stumbling, he cried out in surprise and fell, landing on the body … just ... it wasn't a body anymore. Harkness grunted and pushed Owen off him. Reaching for his gun again, Owen reared back in shock and and pointed it at Harkness's head.

Harkness was breathing hard, gasping, and raised a hand. "I guess we've established that that won't work on me."

Shocked, Owen watched the hole in Harkness's head close. "That's impossible. Who the fuck are you?"

"Captain Jack Harkness. I can't die and you've known that for just about a year." Harkness smiled wrily. "The Weevil … it killed me and I woke up again, gave you the shock of your life."

Owen swallowed and closed his eyes when he suddenly _saw_ it happening, somehow: Harkness … Jack getting up, brushing dirt off his coat and making a bitter joke about having to take it to the dry-cleaner yet again. _"__I should make Ianto responsible for the dry-cleaning."_

Owen startled, the memory reminding him of the situation at hand. "Ianto," he whispered and touched his comms. "Tosh, I'm on my way."

"_Just hurry."_

"I don't know what's going on here," Owen said, walking backwards, his gun still pointed at Jack, "but I need to go now. You're in luck." He turned away.

"Is it Ianto?" Harkness asked.

Owen kept walking.

"Is it Ianto!?" Harkness repeated.

Owen whirled around to him. "Yes, and if you don't leave me alone now, he's going to die." With that, he ran. When he heard Harkness running after him and then saw him from the corner of his eye, running next to him, Owen was surprised that he wasn't surprised at all.

xxx

"Right, is Harper coming then?" somebody asked and Tosh whirled around to a man she didn't know. She knew immediately, though, that he'd been the one who'd driven the car, who'd stalked Ianto, who was quite likely responsible for all this. He wore a smug smile on his roguish face, his bright eyes looking almost amused at everything going on, and he was using Gwen as a shield.

Tosh pointed her gun at him.

"Ah ah!" the man said, pushing the barrel of his gun into Gwen's side until she grimaced in pain. "Not so fast, gorgeous. You know me, remember? John Hart?"

Tosh shook her head, moving to the side a bit to shield Ianto. She noticed that Finlay didn't do anything at all. He just stayed kneeling next to Ianto, pre-occupied somehow, running his hands through his hair frantically. Tosh looked back at John Hart and glared.

"Throw your gun over there," John said.

Tosh hesitated and looked at Gwen. She shook her head and Tosh, seeing not much of a choice, obeyed reluctantly.

Small rocks and stones came lose and tumbled down the side of the cliff, drawing their attention up towards Owen and another man Tosh didn't know. Owen froze when he saw John but before he could pull his weapon, the other man had wrenched it out of his hand.

"Doctor, if you don't mind," John said, nodding at Ianto. Owen glared at him but hastily stumbled down the rest of the way, hurrying to where Ianto was lying on the ground, still unconscious. Owen's backpack made a muffled sound when it landed on the ground and he started to go through it, looking for the equipment he would need. Tosh kept her eyes on John and the newcomer whom she could see better when he approached them. He was tall, handsome, wearing a blue long coat … and something was familiar about him. Like an image from a half-forgotten dream.

"John," he said, looking at Gwen, "let her go."

"I'd rather not."

The newcomer stepped closer and Tosh gasped when she was hit by a sudden image, a memory of that man standing in front of her cell at the UNIT prison instead of Finlay, his imposing figure shadowed in the door. "What is going on here?" she whispered.

"It's easy enough," John answered. "Finlay did something to your memories, substituting Jack with himself to gain control over all of you. He manipulated Ianto into thinking he was going mental when he started to remember and he manipulated you into thinking that he was as well. Finlay made you forget me which is quite an achievement, I gotta say. But Ianto remembered and we freed Jack and now that you see him, your memories are a jumbled mess. Because, let's be honest, Jack probably played a pretty big role in your lives and it's hard to ignore that kind of trigger."

Silence descended.

Tosh turned to Finlay. He just sat there on the ground.

"He's not denying it, is he?" John asked slowly.

"My God," Tosh whispered. She looked at Jack. He seemed more than familiar and she had a flash of him handing over the key to her flat with a grin, of him in the door to her bedroom after she'd called him after a nightmare, of him dancing with Ianto at Gwen's wedding.

Gwen was staring at Jack as well. Owen was pre-occupied with Ianto but Tosh could see him glancing at Jack every once in a while. Somehow, what John just had said was true. He was just as much a familiar stranger as Jack was – Tosh remembered him grinning, his feet on the boardroom table and herself blushing.

She looked at Finlay who was still kneeling next to Ianto, his hands balled to fists in his hair, not denying anything. Tosh shook her head. "Why?"

Finlay breathed out deeply and slowly got up. He looked defeated somehow when he softly answered, "I was lonely."


	12. Chapter 12

**11.**

Jack kept away from Ianto while the medics looked after him, preferring to keep an eye on Finlay sitting in the back of the SUV, knowing it would shake him too much to see Ianto that way. It was bad enough from the distance: a blood-soaked bandage around Ianto's head and bruises discoloring his pale skin, braces around one leg, his neck and one arm, Owen working on him while the medics prepared to leave, and Ianto … so utterly still.

The doors to the ambulance slammed shut.

Jack turned away while it slowly made its way back towards the street, sirens and blue lights on. He startled when someone said his name and looked down at Tosh who was staring at him with a shy smile. "Owen's going with Ianto," she said and then bit her lip as if she'd suddenly realized that she was stating the obvious. "He'll call us as soon as he knows something."

Jack searched for words but he couldn't bring himself to speak. He didn't know what to say. While his memories of Ianto were sharp and fresh now, the memories of the others were still weak and blurry, present but somehow dodgy as if he only knew them through stories somebody else had told him. "Thank you," he finally settled for and forced a smile.

Tosh reached out and touched his arm and he noticed hesitance in her movements, as if she wasn't sure of him, either. "How could this happen?" she asked. "I know you should mean the world to me and I even know why but … it's like I'm fighting myself."

"The false memories are strong," Jack replied with a nod. "I feel like you're my family but I also feel betrayed by everything that is Torchwood because I was a prisoner for such a long time …" Tosh frowned and Jack shook his head. "I wasn't," he said and gave a helpless smile. "See, it's hard for me, too."

Gwen joined them, her hands deep in the pockets of her leather jacket. "He got to Rhys as well. I just talked to him and he didn't remember a Jack Harkness until I described you."

Tosh let go of his arm and and looked over to the SUV. "How could we forget you?"

"Easy enough," John answered from where he was sitting on a rock. He got up and came over to them. "He transferred your memories and emotions about Jack onto himself and since the human brain is such an amazing thing, your subconscious adapted to it and filled in any blanks that could have come up."

Tosh looked at Jack. "So whenever you sacrificed your life for Torchwood and got up again, our mind came up with how the story played out differently with Finlay."

John nodded at her.

Tosh's eyes widened. "But he wasn't Ianto's lover like Jack was. While everything that happened during work changed for him as it did for us, his private life changed too much and that caused him to snap out of it easier."

"Clever girl," John replied.

Gwen swallowed visibly. "Finlay must have known that, so he kept Ianto separated, changed him into an archivist and General Support only and he isolated him from the team to make it harder on him to talk to someone about any doubts he could have."

Tosh nodded. "Finlay made himself to be Ianto's best friend."

John spread his arms in a _'there you go'_ gesture. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." He smiled. "And I can vouch for the fact that Ianto didn't have a boyfriend until a few days ago. I mean, I watched all of you for a while. That Samuel guy just appeared out of nowhere one evening."

Tosh deduced, "Because there were too many differences in his private life. He needed a lover, so Finlay got him one."

Jack took a deep breath. "And Ianto shot him," he said softly. He looked towards where the ambulance had disappeared, wishing for a moment that he could have gone with Ianto. "All this is vaguely familiar."

"Is it?" Tosh asked.

"Yeah. A name keeps popping up in my head but I don't know why."

Gwen frowned. "What name?"

Jack looked at her. "Adam."

xxx

They drove back to the Hub in silence. Not only because Finlay was sitting in the backseat with Gwen and John, cuffed to the door so he wouldn't be able to reach out and touch them, but also because – Jack suspected – none of them knew what to say. And Finlay didn't seem to know either. He just stared out the window quietly, looking sad.

They split up in the garage. While Jack and John took Finlay inside, Gwen and Tosh took the SUV to go to Ianto's flat and start cleaning up. Entering the Hub was strange but not as strange as Jack had thought it would be. His memories were coming back rapidly now and he felt more confident. He left John to watch over Finlay through the observation window of the interrogation room and went to his office.

It took a while for him to find what he was looking for, buried deep in one of his drawers, but he finally succeeded and pocketed it. On the mobile they'd taken from Finlay – _his_ mobile – Jack dialed Owen's number as he headed back to the interrogation room.

When Owen answered, he sounded wary. _"__Who's this?"_

"It's Jack."

Owen made a thoughtful noise. _"__I need to change the name in my contacts then. The caller ID read Finlay." _

Jack didn't want to talk about yet another aspect of his life having been stolen. "How's Ianto?"

"_We set his broken bones and cleaned his wounds. He woke up a little while ago. He's pretty confused as to what happened but that was to be expected. There doesn't seem to be any damage to his brain or spine, though. I'm still waiting for the scans. If they come out clean, he was pretty lucky, considering the fall he took."_

"Long-term?" Jack asked, stopping at the corridor leading down to the interrogation room.

"_We're looking at a few days in hospital and a few weeks in casts, light duty then to get him back in the swing. Maybe two or three months all in all, but he should be fine after that." _There was a slight pause and then Owen said, _"__I can only speak for his physical health right now, though. Mental is another thing."_

Jack nodded slowly, for a moment unaware that Owen couldn't see him. "Thanks."

"_I'll stay with him a while longer, maybe the night. I don't sleep anyway, so …"_

"Yeah," Jack replied. He rubbed his forehead tiredly. "I'll be by later."

"_See you then."_ Owen rang off.

Jack stopped at the door to the observation room and looked inside at John, who was keeping his eyes on Finlay warily. As far as Jack could see, though, Finlay stayed sitting slumped at the table. He caught John's attention by clearing his throat. "I'm going to talk to him."

John nodded and held out a hand. Jack gave him his mobile, not wanting to get distracted by it, then he looked at the door leading down into the interrogation room and took a deep breath.

As soon as Jack entered the interrogation room, Finlay jumped to his feet. He didn't get far, though. With his hands handcuffed to the table, he couldn't stand straight. "How is Ianto?"

Jack stood behind the chair standing opposite Finlay's and crossed his arms. "As if you'd care."

"I do," Finlay replied, his bright eyes wide and worried. "Please, I … I do."

Jack tilted his head. "Who's Adam?"

Finlay stared at him in surprise and a bit startled. "I don't know," he answered then.

Jack pulled the item in his pocket out and dropped it on the table: a plastic bag with the Torchwood logo printed on it and a messy scrawl underneath.

_Adam Smith_

Finlay stared at the bag, then up at Jack again. "Please," he said softly. "I care."

"You took my team," Jack said coldly, "turned them into some twisted little fantasy of yours with you as the adored leader and best friend of everyone. Don't tell me that you care about them in the least."

Finlay looked at him and ever so slowly, his eyes hardened and his tense, hunched posture changed. He stood straighter now, the handcuffs not seeming to bother him and his mouth showed a cold smile. When he spoke, his voice was calm and soft. "Are you not doing the same thing?"

Jack raised an eyebrow questioningly.

Finlay snorted. "You love that they adore you. I saw your memories, Jack, your hopes and dreams. Do you really think I missed the way you feel about them? You love that Owen challenges you because you know that he only ever does that with people he respects. Poor little Tosh with her vulnerable heart – you love that she trusts you, that you were her fucking hero in a cape who came to her rescue."

Jack swallowed, but refused to let Finlay see how close to home the words hit. He didn't think of his team that way, he knew that. But still … he wondered if, since Finlay saw it that way, his team would as well.

Finlay was grinning now. "And Gwen? The way she looks at you and loves Rhys … you love to see how it plays out, you want to see who she will decide on in the end and while you wait, you play with her feelings, flirting one minute and ignoring her the next. In favour of Ianto, who loves you the most. You're proud he's so strong and caring, but at the same time, you love the way you can make him tremble with just one touch, let you take the lead in almost every way, pulling him closer and pushing him away whenever it suits you." Finlay's eyes narrowed and he looked almost angry. "You can't even being to imagine the amount of love he can show the one person who has his heart."

Jack squared his shoulders, telling himself that Finlay was just trying to rile him up, but the words still stung.

Finlay seemed to see that. He sat down again, lounging in the chair as if he wasn't chained to the table and grinned. "You love them, yes, but you're greedy and prideful of what they feel for you. And you're so damn arrogant about making them feel those feelings for you."

Jack barely suppressed his rage. "Why shouldn't I be proud that those people love me, that they deem me worthy enough to be their leader?"

Finlay pointed a finger at him. "You see? We're not that different after all. We just want to be loved."

"Yes, but I don't force people to love me and to follow me. You do."

Finlay laughed. "They took to me easily. No glitch in the system so to speak. They didn't even realize you were gone, Jack."

"Ianto did."

"Because you broke him. I noticed that I had to make up for what his private life lacked, so I gave him what he wants: a man who loves him beyond reason, who would stand in front of everyone and vow to continue to love him. But guess what … he didn't take to it properly. Because he settled for the best he can have with you and that'll never be what Samuel offered."

The words cut deep and automatically, Jack snapped back, "Well, Samuel can't offer anything anymore. Ianto killed him because of your mind games."

Finlay smiled at him.

"Jack," John said from behind him.

"Not now!" Jack answered angrily without turning around.

"You will want to hear this."

Jack glanced back at him over his shoulder and saw that John was dead serious. He gave Finlay one last withering glare and then stalked up the stairs and out of the room, slamming the door. "What is it?"

John held up the mobile and Jack saw Gwen's name on the display. "He's here now. Tell him what you told me."

"_Jack,"_ Gwen said, _"__Samuel's gone."_

Jack glared at the phone. "What do you mean with 'gone'?"

"_There is no body. There isn't even blood. Finlay put a seal on the door when he left the flat, it hasn't been broken, so nobody was in here to clean up."_

Tosh's voice joined in. _"__It's like it never happened."_

Jack stared at the mobile and then at the door to the interrogation room. "Because it never happened," he whispered, "did it?" He took a deep breath, forcing himself to focus. "Did you see Samuel's body before you left for the Brecons?"

"_No. Finlay did."_

"He didn't exist, then. Samuel didn't exist."

John frowned. "But I saw him. Ianto didn't hallucinate him."

Jack slowly turned his head towards the door behind which Finlay waited. He felt nauseous at the implications of this new development. It took him only two steps to enter the observation room and look through the window and there, on the chair, sat a man with curly dark hair and a handsome, kind face marred by a mocking grin.

"That's him," John said from next to Jack. "Finlay's a shape shifter."

Jack swallowed. "Finlay has been Samuel all along."

xxx

"I was surprised," Samuel said, looking at them with brown eyes. "It was supposed to be another distraction for poor Ianto, but I ended up being the one distracted." He focused on Jack and Jack shifted a bit, feeling those eyes burn through all his mental barriers and straight into his mind. "How that boy loves you … you have not the tiniest idea, do you? I admit … I let my guard down a bit. It's possible he showed me a side of him not even you know, Jack. The real Ianto, underneath all that independence and bravery and the put-upon conviction that what you're giving him is enough."

He chuckled, the sound sent shivers down Jack's spine and he felt his hands ball into fists. The thought of that man manipulating Ianto to love him, to trust him, to show him his vulnerable side. The image of this man touching Ianto, leading him to the bedroom, to the bed … he ground his teeth together, trying to stay calm.

Samuel didn't look away from Jack for even a second, enduring his glare with a cruel smile. "Underneath all that, he is so very sweet and bedding him might just have been one of my best decisions ever."

Jack couldn't hold on any longer, he exploded into action, grabbing Samuel's denim jacket and pushing him back against the chair until he strained against the chains and gasped for breath, staring up at Jack with wide eyes. Jack growled, "You raped him."

Even though he was choking, Samuel smiled. "He came willingly," he forced out.

"Jack!" John said, his commanding voice pulling Jack back from the brink. There were more questions that needed answers. It wouldn't do to kill Samuel now. He let go and turned away from him. John was standing there with his arms crossed and glared at Samuel. "Why?" he asked. "Why make him believe that he killed his lover?"

"I had to get the team on my side, convince them that Ianto was dangerous," Samuel answered and Jack turned back around to him. Samuel smiled. "The bigger reason, though, might have been that it's fun." Jack stared at him in disbelief and he could feel the tension rolling off John. Samuel was either oblivious to their rage or didn't care. "I implanted the memory of being a serial killer into him once. Quite the rush you get from making good people think they're evil." He looked at Jack, suddenly earnest. "By the way … Adam – that's me. This isn't the first time I've invaded your minds. I was here before, but you tried to kill me and you almost succeeded. I've got to say, Jack, you almost had me, but I was only banned back into the Void instead of killed. I have to thank _you_ for that."

Jack crossed his arms. "We discovered you once, so why come back?"

"It's you, Jack. I couldn't resist you. All those memories … I could feast on them forever."

"Well, you won't."

"Try to stop me," Samuel challenged. Jack startled when a gunshot echoed through the room, for a moment confused as to where it came from. Samuel slumped in his chair, dead eyes staring at the ceiling and a wound in his forehead.

Jack whirled around to John. "What …?"

"It needed to be done," John answered. "And now."

Jack turned his head to look at Samuel once more.

"Retcon didn't work, obviously," John continued, tucking the gun back in its holster. "We got our answers, there was no reason to keep him alive any longer."

Jack stared back at John, aghast. "We could have locked him up."

John raised an eyebrow. "There was a time you wouldn't have hesitated to pull that trigger. Lock him up? He's dangerous. Who knows what he's capable of and you would want to keep him in your base?"

Jack couldn't help but see John's point.

"Besides," John said, "I thought he was a jerk."

"Well, I think you're one too," someone answered and they turned around abruptly to Samuel, who was sitting upright again, the bullet wound gone. He smiled at them. "I told you: You can't get rid of me that easily."

While John and Jack still stared at him, a bright grin spread over Samuel's features. "Oh, dear," he said in mock-concern, "whatever are you going to do now?"


	13. Chapter 13

**12.**

Outside of the interrogation room, Jack leaned against the rough concrete wall and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. He felt angry, nauseous, sad and murderous at the same time. He wasn't handling this very well. And he didn't even know how he was supposed to be coping because he'd never been in a situation like this before.

A touch to his shoulder startled him and he flinched back.

"Hey!" John said, raising his hands. "Calm down."

"I can't!" Jack snapped at him. "I let him manipulate them. I lost control. And now we can't get rid of him, because killing him doesn't work and Retcon didn't work the last time. I have no idea how he's doing it but he permanently bound himself to us."

John took Jack's face between his hands. "Right, focus," he said. "What else could be done?"

Jack drew in a deep breath. Let it out. "UNIT, but … I don't trust them. They'd find a way to use his powers and that, I can't be responsible for. We could keep him in the Hub but …" He shook his head. "The Hub's designed for temporary prisoners, nothing like this. And I can't be sure that he won't find another way to manipulate us again."

John nodded thoughtfully.

Jack stared at the floor when something occurred to him. "Then again …"

John looked at him questioningly.

Jack wasn't sure he should utter his idea. It sounded desperate … and he was pretty sure that John would not like it. "Maybe we can make use of his ability," he said carefully, "one last time."

He saw John's eyes widen when he realized what Jack was suggesting. "That's a bad idea. You can't seriously consider to force him to manipulate Ianto's memories again. It's not worth it."

"To make Ianto forget he suffered rape and to take away the feelings that come with being an outsider for far longer than he really was?" Jack scoffed. "It's worth it."

"Who's to say Finlay won't use that chance you give him. Sure, you'd all be careful but you're still considering to allow him access to Ianto's mind and who knows what kind of damage he'll do in there. He's got nothing to lose."

Jack crossed his arms, reluctantly seeing John's point. "You're right."

"Besides, those are Ianto's experiences and memories. If you play around with them, you are not better than Finlay."

"I already said that you're right," Jack snapped and then shook his head tiredly. "It's just … there's too much trauma in Ianto's life. One of these days …" Jack stopped and swallowed, ducking his head. "He's strong but he might break." He looked up at John, aware that he was pleading with the wrong person to understand. "I can't let him break. He's my rock."

John narrowed his eyes. "Selfish bastard," he muttered. "You'll never change, will you?"

With that, he turned away and left.

xxx

Ianto startled awake and immediately felt pain race through his chest, setting his ribs on fire. He groaned and closed his eyes again, breathing through the agony. There was a numb ache in his left arm and right leg and, ever so slowly, the sharp pain in his chest brought on by his sudden jerk dulled as well, settling into a drug-induced, almost gentle pounding.

"Hey," somebody said, a calming hand stroking his brow and another entwining their fingers carefully. Ianto knew these calloused hands and slowly opened his eyes. Jack smiled down at him. "Hello," he said softly. His eyes looked worried and shadowed; as if there was something dark and dangerous lurking deep within that wanted out but that was held back just so. It wasn't directed at Ianto, though.

Ianto remembered what Owen had told him about what had happened in the Beacons. His memory was still a bit dodgy, but slowly coming back. He squeezed Jack's fingers weakly. "'lo," he muttered.

"You're going to be alright," Jack said. "Two broken bones, banged up ribs and a concussion, a few abrasions and a sprained knee, but other than that, you've been lucky."

Ianto swallowed. "I'm so lucky," he echoed bitterly.

Jack's thumb brushed his forehead soothingly. He kissed Ianto's temple, letting his lips linger. When he straightened again, his face looked sad. He spoke slowly and carefully, as if trying to choose the right words. "You didn't kill Samuel."

Ianto frowned in confusion. "What?"

"You didn't kill him," Jack repeated.

A spark of hope settled in Ianto's chest, making his heart beat faster. "He's okay?"

Jack stared at him for a long moment and when he spoke, Ianto knew that he wasn't going to like what he had to say. "Ianto, Finlay really is an imposter … a shape-shifter. We already know him. Apparently, he manipulated us once already. We just took Retcon and forgot about it, trying to kill him that way. It didn't work, though. He pretended to be Finlay …" He took a deep breath, squeezing Ianto's hand. "And he pretended to be Samuel as well."

Ianto stared at him, trying to wrap his head around that. "So … Samuel wasn't real?"

Jack shook his head. "No. Finlay manipulated you into thinking he was Samuel. He changed our memories." Jack paused, watching him carefully. Ianto needed a moment to jump from utter relief that he hadn't killed to the equally horrible conclusion this new knowledge forced him to make. Samuel had been Finlay, he'd been an imposter and Ianto had trusted him, had talked about his biggest fears with him, had loved him … slept with him. He gasped. Jack quickly kissed his knuckles. "It's alright, you didn't know."

"We had sex," Ianto whispered. "We …" He pulled his hand away from Jack. He couldn't bear to touch him right now, to be touched. He frowned, trying to search his memories for a hint, the possibility that his hadn't happened … "It wasn't a fake memory, was it? We did have sex. I let him …" He closed his eyes.

"You didn't know," Jack said, obviously trying to soothe him … and failing. "He took advantage of you, Ianto." Ianto's breath hitched. He felt tears wet his eyes but refused to give in, to let them fall where anyone – especially Jack – could see them. Jack seemed helpless now. "Ianto …," he whispered.

Ianto shook his head. "I didn't even know. I should have known. I … I let him take advantage of me."

"It's not your fault."

"I love you," Ianto replied heatedly. "I love you, Jack!" He took a deep breath, feeling dizzy for a moment. The pain in his chest flared up and then calmed again. Somehow, Jack's hand had moved to cup his cheek, cool against his skin. Ianto looked at him sadly. "And I didn't even realize you were gone."

Jack held his gaze. "You did."

"Because John helped me. Samuel was … he had me. I never doubted him. So … he took advantage because I was unable to see who he really was. I'm to blame."

Jack took a deep breath, but he didn't say anything. The silence reigning in the room started to crush them, threatening to become overwhelming. Jack broke it. "If you are to blame, then I am as well."

"How come?" Ianto asked bitterly, not looking at him.

"I'm the one keeping you away from a relationship like you had with Samuel. Of course you believed in him. He was everything you ever wanted, everything I'm not. I practically pushed you into his arms."

Ianto scoffed weakly. "Don't be silly. I know you, Jack. If I would think that what you have to offer me isn't enough, I wouldn't be with you. I'm not some desperate, lovesick little fool!"

"I know that."

"You don't act like it!" Ianto snapped. "Did I want the kind of thing Samuel offered? Yes. But I decided against it the moment I accepted your invitation to a date." He closed his eyes and his uninjured arm wrapped around his middle, as if that could stop the pain.

"So what, you settled for me?" Jack's voice was low; he sounded insulted.

Ianto found a sad smile. "As you did for me because you couldn't have Gwen … or the Doctor."

"Don't say that like you're some sort of consolation prize."

"Then stop thinking of yourself as one."

Jack stared at Ianto for a long moment, then he smiled. "You're wonderful, you know that?" He grabbed Ianto's hand and squeezed. "You'll get through this."

"I don't want Retcon," Ianto said. "I know you thought about it and I don't want it."

Jack looked caught, but after a moment of hesitation, he nodded. "Okay."

Ianto nodded back, needing to confirm the decision somehow. He swallowed, feeling exhausted. He didn't want to go to sleep but he knew that he wouldn't have much of a choice with the drugs coursing through his system. "Stay?" he asked, hating to sound so timid.

Jack nodded. "For a little bit."

xxx

Jack stayed for another hour, until he felt like he really couldn't hide away any longer. Finlay needed dealing with and it was unfair to leave Gwen and Tosh alone with him any longer. Owen had a viable excuse not to have to look at the imposter any longer, but Jack didn't. So he left Ianto in Owen's capable hands and returned to the Hub.

As soon as he entered the main room, Tosh and Gwen looked up from their place on the couch. They had Tosh's laptop on the low coffee table in front of them, quite possibly watching Finlay. Gwen's brows drew together in concern when Jack stopped at Tosh's desk and dropped into her chair tiredly. "How is he?" Gwen asked.

"He regained consciousness," Jack answered. "Owen thinks he's going to be alright. He'll stay the night. Ianto's pretty shook up about Samuel being a lie, though."

The shocked silence told him that Gwen and Tosh realized for the first time what Finlay posing as Ianto's lover meant. Gwen shook her head and muttered a Welsh curse.

Tosh took a deep breath. "Finlay made us believe that there was a hacker attack a few days ago. We lost a lot of files in our database. I checked our systems, hoping that maybe I would find the data somewhere but it's gone. We can assume now that Finlay deleted them to hide your existence."

Jack nodded thoughtfully. "Nothing we can do about that, I guess." And he didn't really care at the moment. He took in Gwen and Tosh's haggard faces and smiled gently. "You should go home. Rest a few hours. Come back around three and we'll figure out what to do about Finlay."

Gwen and Tosh nodded, although reluctantly, and left in a subdued silence. Jack watched them go, wishing he'd been able to stop all this from happening. He sighed deeply and cursed, then he went into his office, shrugging out of his coat on the way.

John was sitting with his feet on the desk, watching something on Jack's computer screen and peeling an orange. Jack hung up his coat and raised an eyebrow. John looked at him quizzically. "What?"

"An orange," Jack answered. "I've never seen you eat fruit before."

"That's not entirely true. I ate the Bejg fruit on Vegas Seven."

"Because it was a hallucigen."

John grinned. "Yeah." He sighed wistfully. "What a night. Just you, me and those twins."

Jack couldn't help but chuckle. "The twins were a figment of our imagination of course."

"Yes, but it was a very vivid imagination."

Jack stepped up next to him and looked at the screen. "What are you doing?"

"Watching your guest."

Finlay was sitting in his cell, motionless.

Jack put his hands on his hips. "What's he doing?"

"Nothing," John answered, "for about an hour now." He looked at Jack who now leaned against the desk with crossed arms, glaring at the screen. "You realize that you will have to do something about him sometime, right?"

"I do," Jack answered, irritated. "Let me know when you figured out what."

"How's Ianto doing then?"

"Refusing Retcon."

"I was right," John said with a smirk.

Jack frowned at him. "Get out of my chair."

"You could sit on my lap," John replied. Jack rolled his eyes and John got up with a sigh. "You're no fun anymore."

Jack dropped into his chair in exhaustion, not in the mood to play John's game. He rubbed his eyes. "What a mess."

"Will they be able to deal?"

"These things happen to us," Jack answered. "Hazards of the job so to say. This was actually not the worst that ever happened."

John pulled a face and leaned against the desk, crossing his arms. "Ianto might see this differently."

Jack nodded thoughtfully. Ianto had refused Retcon, but still, Jack wondered if it wouldn't be better for him to erase the last few days and give him a censured explanation. One that didn't involve rape and self-blame and further proof that love and Torchwood just never seemed to fit together. Because it was true: Ianto had never before told Jack that he loved him. And sooner or later, he would realize that his declaration hadn't been returned. And as much as he would pretend it didn't matter, it would. Thing was, Jack wasn't sure if he was in love with Ianto. Sure, they'd progressed from a casual office affair to a monogamous relationship, but 'love' hadn't been in the books yet and Jack was very careful with his heart these days. Not because he thought Ianto would break it willingly, but Torchwood agents died young. And while Jack had lost many friends and lovers, he'd only lost very few people who'd had his heart and he wasn't sure he could go through that again. Ianto didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to feel like he'd set himself up to be hurt. He'd clearly not intended to tell Jack about his feelings or he would have done so before. It wasn't fair on him that the situation had forced him to declare his love. Some things were better left unspoken … or at least thought of as never having been said.

"You're thinking about retconning him," John said and Jack looked up at him, startled. He opened his mouth but John snorted and said, "Don't even try to deny it."

Jack shook his head. "I won't."

John narrowed his eyes. "Deny it or retcon him?"

Jack looked at the screen. He didn't answer, though. It didn't matter what he said. John would make a case against him. Not so much for Ianto's sake, but just to have the last word. So he tried to distract him. "You know what this reminds me of?"

"What?" John asked. His eyes told Jack that he knew he was being derailed but he didn't fight it.

"The stolen identity case on Varxa."

"The one where the princess almost married the wrong guy?"

"Yeah," Jack answered. "Almost got married to the enemy."

"They'd killed her true fiancé to take his place."

"Yes. Poor thing," Jack said, staring at the screen. "We wouldn't have cracked the case without our informant."

John frowned. "No, we wouldn't have cracked the case if we hadn't seen the imposter change shape by coincidence."

"No, we had an informant," Jack said.

John stared at him for a long moment, clearly trying to remember. "Jack … we didn't have an informant."

Jack huffed a breath in disbelief, trying to remember a detail about the man that would help John. That was when he realized that the memory felt dodgy somehow … in a way he knew all too well by now. He startled. "John …" He went through their cases, their fights, their nights together and finally, he found another dodgy memory, one that was like a red line through all his memories of the Time Agency. "John, do you remember Clyde?"

"Clyde? No. Who's he supposed to be?"

"Management assistant. He assigned the teams their cases."

John stared at him and Jack felt bile climb up his throat when a terrible explanation for Adam's immortality became plain to see. John shook his head. "The management didn't have an assistant. They assigned the teams their cases themselves. What's going on, Jack?"

"I think I know why we can't kill Finlay with Retcon." He took a deep breath, swallowing against the bile. "And I know why he came back in the first place."

xxx

"You changed my memories," Jack said as soon as he entered the vaults, John on his heels. He stopped in front of Finlay's cell. Finlay was still sitting calmly on the floor, leaning against the wall, one ankle crossed over the other. Jack stepped closer to the plexiglass separating them and glared at him. "You changed memories all over my life to weave yourself into it, so that using Retcon or other memory erasing substances or technologies would mean that I'd have to erase everything to get rid of you."

Finlay smiled brightly. "Got it in one."

"And not only that, you fed on my memories as well to stay alive. That was your reason for coming back."

"You have a very long life to feed upon, the longest I've ever encountered," Finlay replied. "I was a bit careless the last time, only implanting myself in the upper layers of your memories so that erasing the two days I joined you meant forgetting about me entirely." He got up gracefully and shoved his hands in his pockets, sauntering closer to the glass. "Except for you. There was one small memory I changed – a beach, a day with your father – and I dug myself in deep. You might hardly remember the boy who joined you back then, but it was enough to keep me alive and to regain strength." He came close enough to almost touch the glass, staring at Jack intently. "This time, I was a bit more careful. All of you carry memories of me so deep within your subconscious, weaved into your lives, that you won't be able to get rid of them. You can't kill me, except if all of you are ready to erase years of your memories – or in your case, your whole life."

Jack slammed his palms against glass separating him from Finlay and screamed, enraged.


	14. Chapter 14

**13.**

It was Owen who came up with the idea after Jack had explained the situation to him via the phone. He returned to the Hub in the afternoon when Gwen and Tosh arrived as well. Owen only took a minute to tell everyone that Ianto was doing fine under the circumstances and then turned the briefing over to Jack.

John remained seated at the end of the boardroom table, peeling an apple with a knife the whole time Jack talked. Owen wondered what he was still doing here, but then again, he must have had a reason to turn up in the first place. Maybe he was waiting for the whole Finlay disaster to be over before wracking his own havoc.

When Jack was done, Gwen and Tosh were looking at him in disbelief. "So we can't get rid of him. He's buried in our memories?" Gwen asked with a frown.

She was looking at bit pale and Tosh's face was drawn, her eyes gazed into nothing as if she was tying to find dodgy parts in her memories. Owen exhaled. He tried not to do the same. He really didn't want to know which of his memories had been tampered with.

"Why go to these lengths?" Gwen asked. "Just to feed on your memories?"

Jack was standing with his arms crossed at the head of the table, his face grim. "Yes. I have a well of them. Hundreds of years of experiences, many different worlds, different people, all kinds of adventures. He would be able to live off of me for a very long time. And basically, he's a predator looking for food."

Owen nodded thoughtfully. "So he kept you as a prisoner and away from us. So he could feed on you anytime he wanted with none of us accidentally witnessing it."

"That's what I think," Jack said with a nod.

With a smirk, John added, "An all you can eat buffet."

Silence descended once again until Jack said, "We can't think about this too hard. We can't keep trying to find him in our memories."

Gwen scoffed. "What are we supposed to do then, Jack? Just accept that he's there?"

"Yes," Jack answered, almost gently. "Accept it, learn to live with it and make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else."

Gwen ducked her head. Owen cleared his throat and shifted in his chair, trying to focus on the here and now, not the past.

_Accept it, learn to live with it and make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else. _

That was their job after all.

Tosh leaned back in her chair, a thoughtful expression on her face. "So we can't kill him with Retcon, he'll just turn up again. We can't kill him the regular way, either." She waited for Jack to give her a nod before asking, "So what do we do?"

"Owen came up with an idea."

All eyes settled on him and Owen swallowed, slightly nervous. He didn't know how the others would react to his suggestion, even though Jack had already agreed. "We freeze him."

Gwen's eyes widened. "Would that work?"

"Quite possibly, yeah. Cryogenics is like a deep sleep and he would just be a prisoner without us having to worry about him."

Jack nodded in agreement. "We'll put a sign on his door, make sure nobody will ever open it again and let him escape." He looked at each of them gravely. "It's the only way. I think we all agree on that."

xxx

Gwen kept a close eye on Finlay when Jack and John led him into the morgue. None of them were planning to touch him, but they were wearing gloves just in case they would have to. Finlay, though, didn't put a up a fight. Maybe he knew that it would be useless. Or, Gwen thought, he was waiting for the right moment to pounce. He turned his head to look at her, his blue eyes cold and challenging. She had to look away, hating herself for giving in. Instead, she stared at the walls, where cryo-chambers were stacked one over another, all of them hidden behind metal doors the size of a coffin; most of them containing Torchwood agents that had died since Torchwood Three had been founded and others still empty, waiting. Maybe for her.

Gwen shuddered and turned her attention to the one cryo-chamber that was pulled out of the wall, waiting for Finlay. Owen and Tosh were standing next to it, making some finale checks. Jack stopped Finlay by stepping in front of him and pointing his gun at him.

Finlay smirked. "This won't help you."

"The bullet won't kill you but it will knock you out for a while. That's good enough for me."

Finlay rolled his eyes. "I didn't mean the gun, Jack." He nodded at the cryo-chamber. "Nice idea, but it won't stop me."

"Oh, I think it will," Jack replied, stepping closer to him with a cold smile on his lips that turned his handsome face into a cruel mask. "You've got a physical form and you're stuck with it, or you would have vanished by now. By changing our memories, you might have gained a semblance of control over whether or not we kill you, but you also lost the possibility of just leaving and starting anew somewhere else. Because as long as we remember you as a human being … you are."

Finlay stared at him angrily and took a step closer. Gwen raised her gun to point it at Finlay's head and saw Tosh and Owen do the same. John made a threatening sound, placing his gun against Finlay's temple. Everybody was tense, grim. They knew that he would only be able to change their memories one by one, by touching them individually, but they wanted to make sure that didn't happen. Not even to only one of them.

Finlay just kept staring at Jack. "We have something in common. I saw that in your memories." He grinned and leaned slightly closer as if about to share a secret. Softly, he said, "You kill what you love, Jack Harkness. It might take a while, it might not be by your own hands but … loving you and being loved in return is deadly."

"Get into the chamber," Jack hissed. Gwen could see that he was barely holding on to his rage.

Finlay chuckled. "This isn't over," he said, while climbing into the coffin-like chamber and lying down. "I'm in your memories, from your birth right up until now. As long as you will remember me, I will live and you're immortal." He winked. "Something else we've got in common now."

"We'll see," Jack replied while Owen started up the cryo-chamber. "Have fun." The lid of the chamber slid shut and Jack pushed it back into its place in the wall. He slammed the door shut and sealed it. Then he just stood there for a moment, his hands against the metal of the door as if he was listening to something.

Gwen made an effort to relax, watching John tuck his gun into the waistband of his jeans.

Jack turned around to them. "Too bad we don't have a camera in there," he said and looked at Owen. "How long will it take?"

Owen shrugged. "The only living person I ever put in there was Tommy and it took about a minute with him."

"Not long enough," Jack replied grimly and there was that expression on his face again – the one that scared Gwen sometimes and hinted at Jack having done many things in his long life … good things as well as cruel ones.

"Other than with Tommy, though, I just might have forgotten to inject Finlay a pain killer. His nerves – if he has something like that – should be on fire now."

"I sure hope so," Jack said and turned away. "I'll be at the hospital."

He left without another word.

"I guess that means we'll stay and watch the Hub," Owen said sourly.

Tosh suggested, "I'll stay with you. I can't sleep anyway."

Gwen said, "I'll stay as well."

Tosh shook her head. "Go home and see Rhys. It's been a while."

Gwen thought that it was unfair for Tosh and Owen to be stuck with Hub duty. Tosh looked exhausted and Owen haggard, but she also really wanted to go home and see Rhys, make sure that he was still there and explain to him what had happened. "I'll come in first thing tomorrow, though, yeah?"

Tosh nodded with a small smile.

Someone cleared their throat. "I guess I'll be off as well," John said, making Gwen aware that he was still there.

Owen frowned skeptically. "Just like that? Did you already do what did you came back for in the first place?"

"That's between me and Jack."

Owen snorted. "I bet it is."

John winked at him. "Still jealous? There's enough of me for everyone, darling."

Owen rolled his eyes and left, muttering to himself. Tosh followed him after a quick smile at John.

He heaved a sigh. "I get no love here."

"I'm curious, though," Gwen said, stepping closer to him. "Why did you come back?"

John looked at her and he seemed uncharacteristically earnest. "Got a message for Jack. I guess I'll have to drop by the hospital now to give it to him." He started to saunter out of the room. "See y'around, gorgeous!"

Gwen chuckled and then pulled her mobile from her jeans pocket to call Rhys and tell him to order in pizza.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: Please note that I published two chapters today. So just go back one chapter to avoid missing something.**

**Thank you for all the nice reviews. I'm overwhelmed.**

**14.**

The night was cold against the skin of Jack's face. Cardiff lay around him, sparkling and peaceful and quiet. The wind ruffled his hair, made his coat flap gently and Jack tilted his head to look up at the ink-black sky, the stars invisible due to the city lights and the moon a pale piece of rock so far away. Jack closed his eyes, remembered flying through space, seeing those stars up close and behind them, so many more, circling planets, exploring the universe. Sometimes, he wondered how Cardiff and Earth could compare to all that, but the answer was painfully simple: They couldn't. They would never be able to. The family he had here, though … they could. They were a bright spot in his long life, one of the brightest, and after leaving them once, he knew he would never be able to do so again. As much as they fought and went up against each other, there was a bond between them. And someone had violated that. Violated them.

"A rooftop?" someone said and Jack recognized John's voice. "How cliché."

He didn't turn around to him. "Remember the last meeting on a rooftop?"

John was quiet for a moment. "Sorry about that, by the way."

"You killed me."

"You got up again."

"You didn't know I would at the time." He turned around to John, his hands in his coat pockets. "Did you even hesitate?"

John looked at him gravely. "It's me, Jack. What did you expect? You know me. You know what happens to people who cross me." He shrugged. "Even those I call friends."

"Your therapist isn't very good." Jack sighed sadly and stepped closer to John, taking in the tired hunch of his shoulders and the haunted look in his eyes. He realized for the first time that he was looking at a hunted man. With the Time Agency gone, John might be on the wanted list of the Shadow Proclamation: A man resorting to crime to get by and using Time Agent technology to do so. He put a hand on John's shoulder. "You're so much better than this."

"Please," John said with a wry grin, "I am what I am." He became serious. "I was so glad you survived that push. I would have never forgiven myself, if … what I really wanted to do is stay and join you, I was just too proud to ask. I thought you'd need me, ask me to stay, but you didn't." He shrugged. "Back then, I reacted out of spite. You know, bad temper and a short short fuse aren't a good combination."

Jack squeezed John's shoulder and then removed his hand, tucking it into his coat pocket to play with the plastic bag in it. It contained three Retcon pills he always carried around for emergencies. "While it's nice to hear you kind of apologizing for once, I can't quite get over the fact that you technically killed me and you almost killed my team."

John looked out over the city. "I'm making up for it."

"Just because you did the right thing here – which I'm grateful for, don't get me wrong – doesn't mean I'll let you in."

"I know. That's why I came here in the first place. To offer you something that might make you rethink that decision," John replied.

Jack raised one eyebrow. "What could that possibly be?"

"Gray."

Jack stared at him, for a moment unable to understand but then the pieces fit themselves together.

"I said that I found him the last time I was here, that wasn't quite true. I haven't found him, yet. But I think I'm close to tracking him down."

Jack swallowed. "You really looked for Gray?"

"Yes. Ever since you left the Time Agency, actually."

That meant years of work. Years of research and travelling. Jack knew because he'd tried to find Gray himself. He just couldn't understand … "Why?"

John stared at him, almost in disbelief, definitely hurt. "You don't get it, do you? No matter how often I tell you, you just don't understand that I love you, Jack." He shook his head. "You know, no matter how many mistakes I made, there's one thing that you're apparently unable to understand and that is that you pull people in."

Jack rolled his eyes. "I know that. I used it when we were Time Agents, remember?"

"I don't mean that kind of pull. I'm not talking about charm. I'm talking about people wanting to _be_ with you, wanting to become your friends, your lovers … and most of the time, you don't want to acknowledge it because you're so busy feeling sorry for yourself. First because of losing Gray, then because of what the Time Agency did to you and now because you're immortal." John stepped closer, his bright eyes almost black in the weak lights that managed to reach their position. "You're devastating, Jack."

Jack stared at John for a long moment, reminded of Finlay's words. It hurt, but somehow, someway, he knew that John was at least partly right … and so had been Finlay. "I don't know what to say."

John shook his head. "You don't need to say a thing. Just be careful. One day, it's gonna slap you in the face and you might stand up again, but your team won't." He looked up at the sky. "I'm off. My turn to be the big hero and save someone."

"John," Jack said, "what you did here … thank you."

"No big deal."

"You protected Ianto. It's a huge deal."

"Well, that kid doesn't really need protection, you know. I tried to and he kneed me in the balls."

Jack laughed. "Tough love."

"I dread to imagine what the two of you are like in bed." A slow, dirty smile emerged on his lips. "Even though …" He winked at Jack. "Not that bad a picture."

Jack chuckled. "You have no idea."

John's grin widened for a moment, but as fast as his face had brightened, it became serious again. "I hope you'll respect his wishes."

Jack frowned, his hand clenching around the bag. "Why would you say that?"

"Because you're up here instead of in his room, which makes me suspect that you needed to do some heavy thinking before facing him. And I know you, Jack. Back then, you always had Retcon on you." John's eyes focused on Jack's pocket.

Reluctantly and with a frustrated sigh, Jack pulled the bag out his coat pocket and held it up. "Enough for a week. I'd only need a couple of days. Just enough to erase Samuel's physical presence and convince him that he really was just a hallucination Finlay implanted. No rape, no guilt … just a ghost. I'd get Owen to side with me, he's done worse … Tosh and Gwen, we'd have to lie to them as well, tell them it's good that Ianto forgot and shouldn't be reminded, blame it on the concussion."

John nodded slowly. "You've given this some thought."

"Mostly wondered if I should do it against Ianto's wishes."

"Would you be able to?"

"To help him get over it? To spare him the nightmares and trauma and self-blame?" Jack asked. "Absolutely. The question is if I can look him in the eye after. Does erasing it balance out the guilt?"

John shrugged. "Does it?"

Jack sighed and put the Retcon back in his pocket. "I don't know yet."

"Well, you know my opinion on this and you know Ianto's. And I don't think that it needs mentioning but you've had your memories taken from you once."

"Two years," Jack said. "This is just a few days."

"It always starts with the words 'just a few'." John sighed. "All I can ask is that you don't do it for selfish reasons."

"I'd just like him to keep smiling. He only just started doing it for real since I'm back together with him and I can't bear the thought of him losing it again."

John snorted. "Selfish. _You_ can't bear the thought, Jack?" He activated his Vortex Manipulator. "Do the right thing." With that he left.

Jack looked after him, then turned around to the city again … thinking.

xxx

It was the middle of the night when Ianto woke the next time. He felt wiped out and sore all over and his head ached. The bleak hospital room didn't exactly help matters. He wanted to go home, bury in his own bed and forget about everything. He knew, though, that that wouldn't be a possibility in the near future. Being with Torchwood, he'd learned to assess damage to his body and this was bad. He would have to stay for at least another few days. He sighed deeply. Suddenly, from the corner of his eye, he saw a shadow, until now part of the curtains, move and approach the bed. Ianto startled and was ready to get up and fight, somehow, but then he recognized the silhouette and breathed a sigh of relief. "Jack," he whispered while Jack stepped into the weak light cast through the window by the streetlamps and the moon.

Jack smiled gently and stepped closer. Then he suddenly changed, transformed … and Finlay grinned at him. "You wish."…

… Ianto gasped awake with a half-muffled scream and his body protested the sudden move. Pain exploded in his chest in his leg when he – still trapped in the nightmare – tried to get up.

"Hey!" somebody said and Ianto shied away from a shadow with a small cry. The lights were switched on and then he was looking at Jack, who in turn was staring at him in shock. "It's alright," Jack said calmly and smiled, raising his hands. "It's alright."

It wasn't. They both knew that.

Jack carefully arranged Ianto's leg back onto the bed and smoothed the blanket over him, giving an almost shy smile when Ianto touched his hand gratefully. Jack leaned over him and kissed his brow. "You're alright," he whispered before sitting on the edge of the bed and entwining their fingers.

The pain slowly ebbed away, the painkillers taking back control. Ianto sighed in relief and then looked at Jack. "Finlay?"

"Frozen," Jack answered. "He's gone. Well, at least as far as we can make him go."

Ianto brushed his hand down his face, wiping away sweat, his fingers trembling and clumsy.

Jack noticed and looked at him sadly. "God, Ianto."

"Don't," Ianto replied firmly. "Pity won't help me." He swallowed and looked away from Jack's blue eyes, towards the window. "I don't want you to pity me."

"No pity," Jack promised gently. "Sympathy." His thumb brushed Ianto's, a soothing motion that Jack had used a lot since they'd started sharing a bed. "I wouldn't think less of you if you wanted to take Retcon."

"You wouldn't, but I would," Ianto replied. "Everyone would know but me? No, absolutely not." He looked at Jack, saw him squeeze his eyes shut as if in pain. "You can't escape the trauma, so I won't either."

Jack sighed. "I see someone talked to you."

"John was here."

"So he told you."

"That you would have to erase your whole life to get rid of Finlay popping up in your memories? Yes, he did." Ianto relaxed into the pillow, glad to talk about someone else's problems. He always felt more comfortable helping than receiving help. "Abuse has several faces, especially around Torchwood."

Jack smiled sadly. "You know, without you, we would still be trapped."

"Well, John did a fair share of the work. If not for his persistence in stalking me, I would have put my doubts aside as nerves and maybe even accepted that something's wrong with me. That Torchwood finally did me in."

"You keep coming through for us," Jack said, suddenly deadly serious. "You don't realize it, but we do. We all know … that no matter what, you'll have our backs." He ducked his head. "Sometimes I wish you wouldn't. It would spare you some things."

"Yes," Ianto replied. "Yes, it would."

Jack raised his head again, a small smile on his face. "You'll get through this as well." He relaxed visibly as if a big burden had been taken from his shoulders. "Thirsty?"

"Very," Ianto answered. Jack handed him the glass of water from the table. They didn't talk while Ianto slowly emptied it, just looking at each other. Ianto didn't quite know what was happening here. It was hard to read Jack sometimes, but he seemed to have realized or decided on something. Ianto knew that Jack would tell him when he was ready to. Jack also didn't seem to want to leave. And the fact that he was taking the time to stay and just be with him meant a lot to Ianto, especially now. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Being here."

Jack's lips brushed Ianto's forehead and he took the glass from him, setting it on the nightstand. "No place I'd rather be," he said and when Ianto looked into his eyes, he knew that was the truth.

END

11/12


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